LETTING GO

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I know this might seem like a no-brainier to some, but just recently it occurred to me that my children are in fact NOT my children. Imagine going sixteen (and nine for the youngest) years thinking that the tiny baby you carried inside your tummy for nine months, the baby you have nurtured now for all those years, really was yours only to have one of those knowing moments when you truly realised that they were in fact NOT your children after all. I know, OUCH right? But there it is, something I have known all along, something I take into account when I make decisions about my child, but something I didn’t really feel deep down in my core until recently. Is this revelation because I now have a child in grade 11 and a child in grade 4? That’s interesting – you could be right…

When we went to Europe late last year we took our children with us, 2 daughters aged 15 and 8. My beautiful 15 year old was pretty independant but still her mothers daughter in the sense that we were unbelievably close and I honestly couldnt really fathom her ever leaving home, along with the fact that so much of what I thought played a role in what decisions she made. I feel like a lioness protecting her cub after almost losing her the year before last when she collapsed in the shower and her heart and breathing stopped. My beautiful 8 year old was both shy and very hard work with her having a myraid of challenges we have lived with over the years…both my girls experience OCD, but Mackenzie also has auditory and sensory processing challenges too which have filled our days with meltdowns and 2hr long mealtimes and bedtimes and to be frankly honest I was more than a little scared of what would happen taking her into overcrowded, touristy places with unfamiliar spaces and food and cultures. What happened next really shocked both my husband and I.

Let me tell you what we saw with our almost 16 year old Lauren. Not to be misunderstood because my daughter is exceptionally more mature and forward thinking than many of her peers and I am immensely proud of how she is progressing (no she isnt perfect by any means and still has her moments of being a pain in my arse – she was never meant to be perfect), however my daughter became even more individual in her own right in Europe. She began thinking way bigger than I had ever instilled and showed a passion for experiencing life in a big way, much bigger than I could have ever imagined for myself at that age. It was as though everything became possible and nothing (not even her mother) could stop her. I have realised through this that when our children reach this time in their lives where they are starting to rebel against our ideas and wishes, and we become frustrated parents of teenagers who long for a weekend off, this is our weaning time to move through what could be a very embarrassing case of seperation anxiety and empty nest syndrome that occurs if they suddenly break free from the nest. I can only imagine the heartbreak I caused my mother by leaving suddenly at the age of 16 to go live and work out on my own – honestly I’m surprised she is still talking to me.

Im still struggling a bit with this new found individuality Lauren has found and riding the rollercoaster of emotions we are both experiencing is what I would call ‘interesting’. (Now Lauren if you are reading this, it by no stretch means I am going to suddenly change my mind about not letting you go to a house party filled with alcohol and no supervising parents – non negotiable). My husband and I have begun to talk about the possibility of Lauren going on ‘dates’ with boys, but we are undecided as to whether we are okay with her getting into a serious teenage relationship when we know she really wants to travel and experience so much in her early years, not to mention the decade of university education she is about to embark on in the very near future. I do know that she is happy at this point to wait until marraige to have sex and is in no hurry to get married and have children so we have breathed a sigh of relief on that front. I guess the jury is still out.

What I am proud of is that this new level of kick-A independence has seen her crave to work and earn her own money, she is dedicated to her studies and is working really hard at that and achieving what she wants, and is taking charge in the changes she wants in her life. I am proud – if not a little sad – that my baby is not my baby…she is an individual in her own right.

Now let me tell you about my little Indigo baby Mackenzie. Mackenzie has been a delightful handful since the day she was born and although I wouldnt change it for the world, I would be lying if I didnt say it has been an exhausting and frustrating ride for all of us – including Lauren as she has had to make adjustments and show great patience with our littlest one. Her sensory processing disorder has meant that textures, touch and experiences are a constant onslaught to her system and her only task each day is to fumble through the best she can. Sometimes a hug from mummy is just not enough, sometimes there is no solution to her troubles but to let her vent and cry, and sometimes she just wants to be like all the other kids. Her auditory processing disorder means that people misinterperet her brains inability to decipher and seperate and process all the input, for insolence and misbehaviour and distraction. She has been called naughty by teachers and family and friends, but when you try to explain it they think that she has trouble hearing so they speak louder which then sets off her sensory issues. Despite this Mackenzie is an amazingly bright, cheery girl who just wants everyone to be happy, and who never wants to disappoint anyone. You can imagine that a 6+ week trip to Europe would have been a struggle for this little one and although it was, something quite extraordinary and unexpected happened during that time. Instead of going into a permanent meltdown as any parent of an SPD kid would expect, she did the opposite! Although we had a few meltdowns and struggles, Mackenzie began talking to people, even in other languages. She climbed a volcano, jumped off a boat and swam to a hot spring, climed the top of the Eiffel Tower, ate strange foods, rode the underground, revelled in the cold temperatures in Switzerland, coped with 10 flights…and began to break the emotional safety straps she had built between her and us.

Now back at home Mackenzie is doing acrobatics, classical ballet, coping with her homework, eating new foods with only a little resistance, speaking up, making new friends, standing up for herself, carrying her school bag and……walking herself into school on her own with us just watching. She is excited about being able to do things for herself now rather than shying away from it and relying on us to be her safety net. Its amazing to see her growing up even though I long for my baby girl who ‘needed me’, but she still will occasionally ask to hop into bed with mummy and have hugs so I can deal with that. I am proud – if not a little sad – that my baby is not my baby…she is an individual in her own right.

I feel good that I have raised individual angels, and although I can feel the shift in the relationship I have with my girls, I know that this is how it is meant to be and that we are not growing apart but are growing – as mother, as daughter, as sisters. This is how it should be – they are not mine, they are just my responsibility to love, nurture and guide.

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CLOUDY, WITH A CHANCE OF PROFANITY

Hi. My name is Sunny and I’m a happyaholic. It’s been weeks since I have felt truly and exquisitely happy. I’m not liking this experience. Being on the wagon for me is excruciating. It hurts, it pains, it blows. However … Continue reading

MOTHER OF A MISS (PT 1)

My Two Miss’s

Later today I will complete this post about my amazing daughter and first-born Lauren and where we are at in this journey called life.

So its been a while since I have been able to post because my horribly cracked phone wouldn’t let me do anything with it…arrgghhhh…but first world problem so lets move on shall we! So here it is as promised and thank you for being patient…

So I am a mother. But not just any mother. I am a mother of a Miss. But not just one Miss. I am a mother of two Miss’s.  And totally chuffed at that! But this time I will be focussing on one Miss in particular…Miss Lolly.

 

Well, Lolly was a special girl right from the beginning. She was a blessing right from the beginning. Even though not everyone agreed – in fact many said that 20 was far too young to welcome her into the world, and forcefully insisted that I send her back to God or give her to someone else. Now I am totally against terminations (for me that is), and whilst I know there are many deserving couples that are waiting for adoption of a baby that was never going to be an option either – because like I said, Lolly is special.

Oh yeah baby…its all inherited from me!!! LOL (thanks google images)

Right from the start she set herself apart – instead of gaining weight whilst carrying her I actually lost it. I weighed less at 9 months than I did prior to falling pregnant, and she was a healthy  seven + pounder too. In fact most of my pregnancy as such was a bit of a breeze. No morning sickness, no weight gain, no complications, and even days before I popped I was not noticeably pregnant when out clubbing (alcohol free I promise) and nor did I look like I had been pregnant days following her birth (insert biatch comments here). And whilst I had a lot of damage from the birth – it was a fast one…1hr 15mins to be exact (she was certainly in a rush).

I know that her first few years was her way of preparing me to become a nurse. No sleep, hospital visits +++, eating on the run, did I say no sleep?, well you get the gist. But boy was she the light of my life! I was so smitten and looking back I think I did pretty well as a single mother…anyway back to Lolly. I am certain my girl came out super smart because the signs of her intelligence and “smarts of the family” (will share the video linked to that statement another time lol), was set in early. But really I just thought it was normal – after all this was my first child. So when my Lolly was speaking quite well at around the 12 month mark I just assumed it was normal – so I did what no parent should ever do – I suggested that my friends should get their children checked by the health nurse because they clearly weren’t developing normally lol hahaha (I know bad fellow mamma award).

When she began primary school (prep) I just knew that it was going to be a struggle for her because she was already far ahead her peers. Well my fears were realised when her teacher pulled me aside to tell me Lolly was reprimanded for not paying attention and leaving mid lesson to go look at the flowers outside with her classmate. Lolly tells me this is because she is bored and already knows that baby stuff!!! Then award after award in school despite struggling through some intense bullying. Most recently she won a distinction in a national English exam.

Then of course she had to inherit her mothers OCD and well that has been a trial and a half – but kind of gives us a bond that is unlike any others…and also gives us hours of amusement at each others hang ups lol.

LOL…yep – share the insanity with your kids! (thanks google images)

 

 

 

 

 

 

Come to present day and I am as proud as punch at my Lolly. Through many difficult life experiences she has grown into the most amazing young woman and I have a gut feeling that she is destined for something great. She has used every difficult experience and every difficult person as stepping-stones to being the phenomenal girl she is today. Nothing has knocked her down and kept her there – no she is far too determined than that. She is such a support to me and has been when I have been very well. She is an amazing sister to Macca Moo, even though she gets annoyed at times she has such a love for her.

She has the heart of a lion, the spirit of a warrior, and a beautiful presence.

She has already decided what she wants to do in her future – she as wanted since she was 3yo to be a doctor…whether it be in research for disease cures or whether it be as a volunteer doctor in some of the worlds worst 3rd world countries. Wow…what a plan and she is only 12!!! She has donated her time and her savings from a very young age with no prompting from us to worthy causes which also makes us as her parents proud as punch.

So in summing up, I love my Lolly and I look at yesterday with joy, today with pride, and tomorrow with hope…in the knowledge that I have one of the worlds best daughters in my heart all the day…in fact I truly believe that she has been blessed to me by God – to guide, love and embrace whilst she and I are here.

Everybody Be AWESOME!!!

TAM 🙂