STATE OF COMMITMENT

FITNESS, GOALS & ACCOMPLISHMENTS, HEALTH, MY JOURNEY

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Ferocious Honesty. Wholehearted Truth. Plucky Candour. This is where my values belong and have for some time, sometimes getting suffocated by my own need to be a pillar of kindness, selflessness, and ever pleasing for the benefit of others. It does me no good you know, this habit of being everything for everyone, nor does it do anyone else any good. Despite being in a profession that is built on the premise of kindness, selflessness, and the best outcomes for others, that premise is nothing but an old whisper of the past – one in which nurses lived in, walked the halls til their feet bled, and were married to their vocation of selfless caring. Certain things had their place in that time, not so in this age where nurses are both men and women, mothers and fathers, and clinical specialists in their own fields with mountainous responsibilities to match. I guess that old whisper has always had a place in my mind – until now.

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For years I have been committed to everything and everyone but myself, myself has always been an afterthought and deep down I knew I would not be able to sustain it forever. At some point I was going to have to be self-caring, selfish, and put my needs first. I knew this because I say these same words to friends and colleagues who are in the same position, only not being courageous to take in on myself and stand firm in my own needs. That time is over, or will be soon as I take step by step in moulding my own life, my own career. This year I have embarked on so many things that threaten to take me out if I don’t heed my own words: research, a 2 year honours diploma, my certificate 4 in fitness, a new business centred around our long-term plan to move and work abroad, and for this my health has suffered with the lacking sleep and lacking time for my own physical fitness.

This year I have taken some steps to move away from things happening to me and into a place where things happen for me. Big difference. This move requires simple but somehow difficult steps. I’m still doing it no matter how hard the steps are. I was bold enough to ask my boss for one set day off each week so I could be mother to my two girls and be there one weekday day per week to do all those mummy chores – and I love those mummy things I really do, they will no longer be there for me to do much longer as my girls grow. I was worried that this was too big a request and that I would be denied, how wrong I was. I was granted this request with the complete understanding that I needed. I added to this my desire to work no more than 64 hours a fortnight unless I expressed the desire to on the odd occasion, or if it was dire to my workplace that I work up. That too has been put in place. I have a wonderful boss and whilst I trust and know that she looks out for her staffs’ best interests, I have a history of not feeling worthy enough – something I am really working on. It isn’t just my work life I have been working on – my physical health I have been too.

When I moved to the Sunshine Coast I had cancer, thyroid issues, chronic and severe allergy, serious and debilitating anxiety, complications from the cyst in my brain, and that was just the start of it. I was recommended by my GP a supplement I had shipped in from New Zealand that really made a big difference and I was able to stop all my prescribed medications, I gave up smoking, and lost a stack of weight. I was doing so well…until a fall at work and a slip on rocks at the beach left me with 2 fractures in my lower spine, nerve damage, and pain that is present even today. That really halted my training schedule and the weight began piling back on. Add to that a few trips to Europe and no desire to abstain from the local delicacies, a ton of self loathing about this, and I am far from where I was before. I am over the self loathing now, knowing that life happens to all of us and knowing that each day I have been doing my best just to stay afloat and keep moving forward. That said, I have also put in place changes to keep moving forward and climb the steep hill back to the fitness and wellbeing level I was at before – looming early menopause or not.

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When beginning back with my fitness journey (ughhhh – hate that word now but cant think of another), I had to be realistic in the fact that I am typical Obliger personality – no matter how much I practise not being that. So in order to get into the habit of self commitment, I have to work with it instead of against it. So I have done the following:

· Enlisted hubby to prepare healthy vegetarian meals using our fabbo cookbook

· Encouraged the kids to start thinking of all the vegetarian foods they can eat for good health and energy – and pack/choose themselves

· Earlier to bed for a good sleep – still working on this

· Monday morning walks at 530am followed by an ocean swim (ok paddle), with a friend who is also an obliger personality – and sticking to this routine no matter how I feel (I can always walk a little slower and not as far if I feel shite), and I have successfully kept this routine even if my friend doesn’t come

· Catching myself in moments of stress and taking a few deep breaths

· Actively trying to let go of the hurts others have inflicted on both me and my loved ones – still working on this

· Beginning a fitness challenge lasting 12 weeks with my beautiful inlaws from across the ditch in NZ…to make it a bit fun

I know I have a way to go before I am back where I was and in a forward motion again, but I am feeling confident in my state of commitment to myself.

THE GIVER

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What a fascinating tale, although in saying that there are some very distinct concept that mimic realities to our projected future should the keepers of this earths Matrix get their way.

The belief held by the elders in this movie is scarily similar to the growing beliefs held by governments all over the world. The leading elder said “When people have the freedom to choose they choose wrong”, which is a common thread in many of the decisions our governments make for us that are a little left of democratic in nature. My husband and I talked about this in the car on the way home from the cinema and we both believe that Australia is becoming a police state. Don’t get me wrong, I do believe in guidelines, but I don’t believe in forcing people to align to a central belief ‘for the greater good’ when it impacts their own wellbeing and core self.

“No losers, and no winners……….so there would be no conflict between us”. This one of the quotes from the movies and makes me ponder, what if we didn’t have any winners or losers? What would life be like? I guess in a sense there would be less conflict as people lose the need for ‘keeping up with e Joneses’ or being the best at anything. It does pose the question however about whether we would be as content with no healthy competition either.

It would be a beautiful world if we could lose the unhealthy competition though – you know, the I’m a better spouse, business, parent, friend, advocate. It’s that competition that I feel has had the greatest impact on my life and the lives of so many others. An example of this is me creating my health coaching business. Many of you know that I’m a nurse, studying to get my Personal Trainer qualifications, and then integrative nutrition quals, and am really passionate about a lot of areas in health, but my most passionate area is in chronic disease prevention, and chronic disease recovery. I really want to show and guide other people to take control of their wellbeing and their lives and reassure them that you don’t have to own and be a disease but can overcome it or take power from where you are at the time. However for a long time I’ve been looking at and building my business in a templates way, by looking at how others are structured, purely out of fear of not being good enough when in reality my business is nothing like the others and I need to embrace the difference in it. And that I am both in business and in self – I have a lot to offer the world and am worthy regardless.

On another note there was another quote from the movie that really resonated for many reasons “Don’t accept something as the truth just because its from someone you respect”. As a child who grew up in a time where some still thought children should be seen and not heard and family issues were not discussed outside the home, I never questioned what I was told and accepted everything as truth. What folly that was as when i needed to be heard the most at 4, 13, and 18 when I was sexually abused, I didn’t have a voice and was just a moment away from taking my own life. But I knew nothing different until I was strong enough emotionally to leave such situations behind and step into a better place, at which time I stood up and claimed some of my life back.

I no longer blindly believe as truth that which someone I may or may not respect as truth, because let’s face it – a truth to one may be shaped and moulded by that persons perspectives and experiences. I liken it to someone looking at different sides of a book. One is looking at the front of the book and can only see the title, author, cover picture, and a few other details, but is unlikely to find any clear information as to the storyline. The other is looking at the back of the book and can see an overview of the contents of the book and a few other things. Clearly it’s the same book, but each person takes something else away from its face value. The valuable lesson I have taken from this experience in life is to raise my daughters to be fearless speakers of their own truth and to live what they believe without taking on some of societies unwarranted restrictions. I want them to be able to sit with information or ideas and really feel if they fit them or if its purely someone else’s.

I think history shows significant examples of when societal compliance has impacted the world in a detrimental way even if I do believe everything is for a reason. I for one though do not want to be just a pawn in the matrix game of chess. I’m more of a divergent – but that’s another post….

Ps….you will have to go see “The Giver” or wait til it comes out on DVD to see the awesome ending – I don’t do spoils lol.

IT’S A QUESTION OF MATHS

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Am I stuck in protect mode? Probably. Protecting AGAINST what I don’t want instead of protecting what I DO want. I feel like a suited up gladiator ready to strike – until now. Now I get what’s been going on in my head I can start to pull apart and create my own picture. When we let (it) go of the need to fix and embrace the idea of create….we lose the struggle component.

I need to move away from the stressaholic experience. I work I work I work, I parent I parent I parent. Instead however I now want to experience my trade, my passion. Now I want to experience my parenting moments. Now I want to experience my relationships, choices and life in all it’s glorious complexities. Treat life like a true lifestyle change…don’t remove anything….just keep adding in what you want, add in so much good that there is no room left for anything else.

Firstly I need to drop the fear of retribution from the medical community, not only for myself but for what I have to offer the world of myself. For what I have to teach my daughters about taking chances and making their passions a reality. If I cannot live my passion of wholistic healthcare for all in my nursing role then why should I spend the next 40 years being miserable? There is absolutely no need to become a martyr for my trade, there are plenty out there that relish that mindset and that’s okay – for them not me. Why wouldnt I create what I want instead? After all I am a creative being and know that creativity is the seed of great innovation and change. If I am to start living the life I want and envisage then I need to be mindful that I don’t get stuck by a title. Like Juliet says about her Romeo – what’s in a name? I need to begin living my life like it is one big love story with myself.

Do you process stuff quickly or a you a slow metaboliser before you produce a response or an action? I feel like the latter in this instance but I can see that it’s all about perfect timing. So I’m going to add in stuff…

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– nourishing actions with nutrition
– activity I enjoy and that makes me happy
– thoughts that are real not imagined, uplifting thoughts
– time with people who I am most inspired by
– work that is aligned with my values

What could you ADD to your life to make you feel awesome…

COMING OUT

HEALTH, NUTRITION

I’m coming out. I want the world to know. I’m gonna let it show. I’m coming out. ….la la lala la la….

Okay so it’s not the coming out you might think it is after my Miranda Hart style song intro, but it is a significant coming out of sorts. You see we have gone through some significant change to our lifestyle choices since just after Christmas that has elicited the strongly held opinions of others to be shoved mercilessly down our throats. Fortunately however, I take this to indicate that if they must pull apart our choices as ferociously as their slow cooked pork they must at some level sense some truth and feel challenged by these concepts.

So what is this choice I hint at I guess you wonder? Well it is that we have become vegetarian.
*GASP* I know it’s terribly radical isn’t it! I guess about as radical as choosing to stop eating McDonalds completely which we did about two years ago…but I digress. If you are wondering about what on earth drew us into this radical cult called vegetarianism (said totally tongue in cheek), it was a few things, and very much a well thought out, well researched decision.

Firstly, I have detested handling raw meat for many years now to the point of feeling a gag rush up my throat requiring me to work hard to refrain from allowing it to totally surface. My hate of raw meat and the smell of cooking meat was so bad that I would sometimes have to leave parties that had strong smelling meats being cooked like kangaroo or pig on a spit – I couldn’t even eat it if it were too overpowering.

Secondly, we have had such wars with our you gets about eating anything over the past years that getting her to eat meat was like world war three. She absolutely hated any meat she had to chew. Totally turned her nose up at it and I’m sad to confess that I put my foot down and made her eat it much to the decimation of any harmony at the dinner table.

Thirdly (and this was the deal breaker for us), we decided to watch the movie Food Inc. through watching this movie and doing our own research afterwards we decided that in fact it was not aligned with our values to contribute to what was going on in the whole food chain process.

So we decided to stop eating meat to begin with, and to work towards taking out eggs and dairy too. My eldest is already dairy free by choice after a visit to a dairy farm and a bit of research on her part…and we will follow her lead. Of course it is always a choice, if my children asked me tomorrow for a steak then I would oblige with an option that is the most humane I could find – because ultimately I want this to be a choice they make for themselves when armed with knowledge, but so far they are more than happy to have no meat in their diets.

Are we sick? No. Are my kids poorly? No. Are we going to suffer? No. In fact we feel great for having done it!

We do get the odd comment that it will affect our children’s health negatively, but from everything I have seen so far my children have a much more nutritionally dense intake than many other children. I don’t consider those fast food chains, so called ‘breakfast’ bars or packets of sugar laden and chemical laden rubbish to be nutrition and neither do my children. My children eat spinach and avocado for breakfast, curries choc full of vegetables, and drink juices that would make your cells explode with delight, because they know now how to listen to what their body needs at any given time and are usually right.

So there we have it – I’m out!!! Proud to speak our truth. So if you visit and want to eat meat we won’t hang you or put you on trial for it….we just wont have any in our house. I dare you to try at least one meat free day a week and see how you feel – but it is your choice.

Hope you have had wonderful holidays, Passover, Easter. 🙂

VEGETARIAN YELLOW CURRY

COOK IT, HEALTH

There is nothing like a tried and tested recipe to make your taste buds sing, especially when it is nutritious and wholesome, and approved by some very picky children. This used to be our chicken curry favourite but now that we have become vegetarian we now just use pumpkin instead of chicken and my girls just love that. Although this appears to have a lot of preparation in it, I assure you it doesn’t actually take too long and if you double the quantities like we do, it makes enough for dinners for my shift work or even another nights dinner that can be frozen.

My children constantly ask me to make this for them and I have made it for a few other people now , with it going down a treat! This weekend however I got the big thumbs up from my nieces four little ones as they sat around the table to this yummy dish – meat free too! Not one of them complained, and they all had smiles on their faces at the end. So here is the recipe – please enjoy and share – and credit to where you found the recipe is always appreciated.

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INGREDIENTS

1 onion sliced
2 shallots diced
1 leek sliced
1 capsicum sliced
1 celery stalk diced
2 zucchini – finger length wedges
2 cups green beans
2 carrots – finger length sticks
4 cups broccoli florets
4 cups pumpkin cubed – partially steamed or cut in smaller cubes

Coconut oil – for wok
2 tbs Valcom Yellow Curry Paste (more if you require more heat)
1 400ml tin Ayam Organic Light Coconut Cream (more to alter consistency)

*Serve with Basmati rice or cauliflower ‘rice’ *

METHOD

1. In a wok (or alternative) brown onion, shallots, and leek in coconut oil.
2. Add capsicum and celery until partly cooked through.
3. Add zucchini, beans, carrots and broccoli – placing lid on until partly cooked through.
4. Stir through curry paste thoroughly.
5. Add in pumpkin.
5. Pour in coconut cream and stir through.
6. Simmer for 5 – 10 minutes or til cooked, on low heat.
7. Serve with ‘rice’ of choice.

SERVES 4

*Please note – we are vegetarian however if you are a meat eater you can choose to add free range chicken breast by sealing in wok prior to first step*

ROCK THAT BODY

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As 2014 looms closer so does the little gremlins in your head telling you that you should set some New Years Resolutions. How do I know this? Because I hear them every year at this time too, nagging me to make haste in ensuring that in 2014 I become healthier, wealthier and wiser. This isn’t such a bad thing, in fact it is good to have something to work towards, something to aspire to. However it’s important that you are not attaching the wrong emotions to it.

Each year when we take stock of our lives in anticipation for the turning of the calendar, many people tend to get caught up in the negative emotions of regret. ‘I didn’t lose all the weight I had hoped’ ‘I didn’t save enough money’ ‘I’m still not married’ ‘I’m still unhappy with my job’. Sound familiar? Don’t worry, this is familiar to many people. We forget sometimes to be thankful for what we have and the person we are…that person is important, and worthy, and loveable. Does that mean we shouldn’t aim for something different? No. But if you want to head into 2014 toward some new goals or even to revisit some old one, just be aware of your motives to ensure that they are true to your values and your core self. For some insight into this head over and check out Emazon – her vlogs, posts and courses can empower you to transform the way you look at yourself – it was certainly a catalyst for major changes in my thinking.

So what if changing your lifestyle is something you truly want to do for yourself? Then that’s great too. It’s important for us to nourish our whole selves physically, emotionally Nd spiritually for total life balance, however it’s easier said than done right? Yep, I get it because I have been there, and whilst I know I am going to be completing my Cert III & IV in Fitness in the new year, I am not quite ready to offer that service on the coast yet. Never fear though, there are some fabulous Personal Trainers that can help you with your new year goals whatever they may be at whatever place you may be in your life and I’m going to give you a heads up on some that I know of. These are for the Sunshine Coast in Queensland Australia but if you google or search facebook you can generally find some in your area – sometimes we need that helping hand to get you started…I know I did.
(N.B. No financial affiliation to any services mentioned here and you access them at your own discretion)

1. MAB PERSONAL TRAINING & ADVENTURES

Melinda and her staff can meet your personal training and fitness needs with both one on one and group training, challenges, and something a little different – they offer adventures in a kayak, up a mountain and working out your mind fitness ‘stuff’. Varied times and days to fit your schedule.

2. LIVE IT UP FITNESS

Marcus does one on one and group training options to suit your needs. His boxing sessions are especially popular and as easy or hard as you make them.

3. PURSUIT FITNESS

Sammy and her staff can help you with all your needs through pre and post natal exercise, group sessions, challenges or one on one sessions. Multiple times to fit into your busy schedule.

4. COAST STYLE FITNESS

Susan and her team can help you find fitness with group and personal training, but can also show you through surfing and SUPing. Varied options for your needs.

So go on – if you want to make a change and know that a gym membership isn’t quite what you want then check out these personal trainers or more nearest you. Often times they will have a free trial so really there is nothing to lose, just health to gain. And if you know some good ones in other areas give them a shout out below in the comments.

CLOUDY, WITH A CHANCE OF PROFANITY

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Hi. My name is Sunny and I’m a happyaholic. It’s been weeks since I have felt truly and exquisitely happy. I’m not liking this experience. Being on the wagon for me is excruciating. It hurts, it pains, it blows. However try as I might I can’t seem to get my fix. I’m going to have to do something – anything – to get that zing back coursing through my veins. You see, I don’t do pain. I don’t do sickness – of any kind. I don’t do joylessness. I don’t do it. Yet here I am, and all of it has hit me like a big rig. Didn’t see it coming.

So my sunshine appears to be gone – albeit for a moment or more – and has been replaced with big, black ominous clouds. It appears to me that the forecast for our family at the present moment is CLOUDY, WITH A CHANCE OF PROFANITY. Hi, my name is cloudy and I’m a happyaholic.

Im sure that none of you are strangers to hardship – of the first world kind that is. Of course when we are in the arena of our first world lives, the valleys are so very real for each one of us. Verbally and socially we can all quite easily take the high road and say that our problems in comparison are insignificant – unless of course you are in deep, and thick, and hidden from the light. Don’t misunderstand me, I DO empathise with the struggles of people less fortunate in the world both abroad and close to home. However, at this present time I am knee deep trying to wrangle my struggles like they are an untamed brumby. They just won’t submit. But many of you have no idea what I’m talking about so I will give you a snapshot of just what has been going on.

We moved to the Sunshine Coast in Queensland a few years ago because not only did I have cervical cancer, but it appeared at the time that my eldest daughter may be in for a bit of her own struggle as they grew concerned about some of her results. The sea change was less like the ones you see on television and more like a massive sacrifice. We dropped almost $40,000 a year in income, secure high paying jobs, and the ‘village’ of friends and family that we saw almost daily. In fact we didn’t even have a home when we moved up here and very little savings, but chose to treat it like a holiday of sorts and stayed in a hotel beachside til we found somewhere. We did land jobs however hubby was made redundant and mine was horrific and for my own sanity I had to leave (thankfully we love our jobs now despite the drop in pay).
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We thought we were beginning after more than two years to have a break and lean into this joyous life we have when all the chips scattered over the floor. In fact I kind of feel like my bearings have fallen out, scattered all over the floor and under the furniture, and are hidden deep beneath the couch out of arms reach. Again – this is not a pleasant experience for a OCD-control freak! Now we are faced with a multitude of first world problems and we feel ill-equipped to figure out what to do and how to deal. We have recently learned that my daughters 220+ /min heart rate whilst exercising is in fact quite dangerous and could lead to her stroking out or her heart stop beating. She is only thirteen years old. It also appears that it may be genetic because I have the same issue. We both have tricuspid valve regurgitation and are quite symptomatic. After chatting to the hospital and some Dr friends of mine it appears quite likely that Miss Rebel will require open heart surgery next year. I love my babe and we have been through some horrible stuff together and it breaks my heart that she faces more. To top all this off – our car died – right between two trucks on a busy road. Worst. Nightmare. Ever. Lucky I was alone in the car. No problem right? Wrong. We have no emergency funds. No backup support as we think it is dead for good and we need a new motor or new car. No visible way of this happening. And without two cars only one of us can work. Herein lies our first world dilemma. I won’t bore you with the rest of the list or I will have to submit a novel.
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The chance of profanity began to be real profanity. I yelled, I screamed, I sighed, I tsked, I spoke with a significant amount of profanity like it was breaking a drought. I said the ‘F’ word more times than I care to remember (and I don’t mean Shut the FRONT Door either), I began to feel just spent. Void of everything. Lacking all passionate emotion either positive or negative. Until I realised how fruitless it was. So after I was done with my self pity – okay most of my self pity – I paused and reflected on the situation. You see about sixty seconds before my car came to a halt between to trucks on a busy road(and this next bit weirded even me out), I heard a voice – not an audible kind – more like a knowing. It said “don’t be distressed when your car breaks down I’m saving you from an accident. But don’t worry I will look after everything”. Yeah odd I know. Totally creeped me out. So on reflection I began to recognise that although its a significant issue – the possibility that it may have saved my life is the focus for my gratitude.

I don’t know what the following weeks or months will hold, nor any part of the future, but I do know that i will try to keep smiling and that life will hear me ROAR!

.

KATY PERRY

Roar

I used to bite my tongue and hold my breath
Scared to rock the boat and make a mess
So I sat quietly, agreed politely
I guess that I forgot I had a choice
I let you push me past the breaking point
I stood for nothing, so I fell for everything

You held me down, but I got up (HEY!)
Already brushing off the dust
You hear my voice, you hear that sound
Like thunder gonna shake the ground
You held me down, but I got up (HEY!)
Get ready cause I’ve had enough
I see it all, I see it now

[Chorus]
I got the eye of the tiger, a fighter, dancing through the fire
Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me roar
Louder, louder than a lion
Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me roar
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
You’re gonna hear me roar

Now I’m floating like a butterfly
Stinging like a bee I earned my stripes
I went from zero, to my own hero

You held me down, but I got up (HEY!)
Already brushing off the dust
You hear my voice, you hear that sound
Like thunder gonna shake the ground
You held me down, but I got up (HEY!)
Get ready ’cause I’ve had enough
I see it all, I see it now

[Chorus]
I got the eye of the tiger, a fighter, dancing through the fire
‘Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me roar
Louder, louder than a lion
‘Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me roar
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
You’re gonna hear me roar
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
You’ll hear me roar
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
You’re gonna hear me roar…

Ro-oar, ro-oar, ro-oar, ro-oar, ro-oar

I got the eye of the tiger, a fighter, dancing through the fire
‘Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me roar
Louder, louder than a lion
‘Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me roar
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
You’re gonna hear me roar
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
You’ll hear me roar
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
You’re gonna hear me roar…

Daily Prompt: Take Care

HEALTH

 

Daily Prompt: Take Care.

When you’re unwell, do you allow others to take care of you, or do you prefer to soldier on alone? What does it take for you to ask for help?

Hmmm…good question. I’m blessed that my days of being sick, catching colds or sniffling my way through winter are far and very few between. One school of thought say that it is because I am a nurse and have developed the immune system of an ox (not that I am an expert on the functioning of an Ox’s immune system – really!). Another school of thought is that its a direct reflection of where I live – on the coast near the beach – Australias beaches are just devine! Yet another school of thought is that it is due to me eating more spinach than the average Popeye-the-Sailor-Man. But really I think it is a mixture of all of the above. But there I do – leading you all down the garden path that is my mind!

On the rare occassion that I am sick, I do let people look after me. But I am selective in that. For instance I will let my husband do anything for me (ok except fold the washing because lets face it – I am the ONLY one that can do it right – so if I am sick the washing is in the basket kids…HA!) I will let my girls do little jobs around the house, but thats the status quo anyway with the recent enforcement of chores – WINNING! And of course I will let them hug me, kiss me and pray for me until the cows come home. My mamma bear gets the obvious pleasure too of looking after me if she is nearby (now a 2hr drive away BOO!). But no one else. I have real trouble letting other people help or look after me or accepting offered help. But I will readily go help another sick person. Yes I know the whole accepting a gift speak but I feel a burden – probably comes from the many years I spent really sick.

Mostly though I soldier on. The house doesnt clean itself. My responsibilities dont go on holiday. My children dont go on auto pilot. So sometimes all there is to do is to take a spoonful of concrete and harden the * up. Yeah I said it. Sometimes you have to get out of your own way and end the pity party in boo-hoo-me street. Most of the time you feel better for having done the big girl pants dance anyway.

What would it take for me to ask for help? Well that would be if me being sick impacted on other people that relied on me for something – period – thats it. Now lets hope talking about all this illness doesnt summon the wrath of the bug fairies. A little affirmation to close maybe?

I AM WELL. I AM INFINITELY HEALTHY. I HAVE AN AMAZING IMMUNE SYSTEM. MURPHYS LAWS ARE NOT REAL.

Everybody Be Well and AWEOSME!!!

TAM 🙂

MAMMA MELTDOWNS AND M.I.A.

CHILDREN, FAMILY, FITNESS, MY CONNECTION NEEDS, MY ESSENTIAL NEEDS, PARENTING, WORK LIFE

  It’s only Thursday. It’s not Friday, so my nerves shouldn’t be completely frazzled yet. It’s not Saturday – the day when all my sadly neglected chores from the week just gone are groaning at my from just beyond the early morning training session. It’s not Sunday – the day that I ponder the week just gone as I think to myself “where the hell did that week just go”, whilst at the same time ensuring that I am as prepared as I can be for the week looming before me. NO. It’s only Thursday. ONLY. I should by all means have at least a few stray nerves left. Something with which my sanity can grasp to in an attempt to avoid the stampede of my mind as it propels itself into the weeks end. ONLY Thursday. Famous last words I would say.

Stress

Stressed out chicken goes M.I.A. (Photo credit: Dave-F)

If you haven’t already guessed, I am in the middle of my own adult-style meltdown. No I can assure you that I am also not lying on the floor in a ball of tears and tantrums pounding my fists and screaming. Dont get me wrong, if there wasn’t that single cell of sanity tightly holding grip to me then I dare say it could have been a very different post, but I assure you I havent melted to that extent – yet.  So what does one do when one has one’s own hot chocolate style meltdown? One runs away.  Yes you heard it. I ran away! I’m glad my sanity had the good sense to ignore the rational thoughts of “running away isn’t the answer”, because today that is precisely the answer! Because today is ONLY Thursday, and I still have to keep that single cell of sanity alive and intact.

Alot of people – those who do and do not know me – look at me and think that my life is blissfully easy. I know this because they have either directly told me so, I have overheard it, or their behaviour or comments have said all that needs to be said.  They think that my joy is something that comes easy. They think my schedule works because I obviously have a far easier life than theirs, and that I fit in what I do because I must have so much more time than them.  They think my childrens’ behaviour and mannerisms are a direct product of luck and that at anytime in the future they are going to turn into the boy-obsessed, frivolous, attitude filled teenager that many others kids are. They think that being motivated and dedicated to my health and fitness is either easy, or luck, or totally obsessive. They think that my husband and I have the great relationship we have because we are lucky. Right? WRONG!

Let me tell you a little secret…shhhh dont tell anyone…my life isnt easy, nor is it luck, nor is it a direct outcome of magic, leprechauns or unicorns.  I’m not a witch, a magician, or an illusionist.  My life is in fact brutally real, just like everybody else.  Lets look at joy. I’m not just naturally happy all of the time – that would be more an indication of too many happy pills don’t you think?  The reality is that I make a conscious choice each and every day to emanate what I want my life to be. If you walk around with a permanent snarl on your face and in your voice, what good comes of it? None. Lets look at my schedule. Anyone who like me manages a career outside the home as well as managing home life, and anything above and beyond that knows exactly how I feel. Gone are the days for me to be a SAHM – oh yes I miss it. I miss being present at school for drop offs, pick ups, plays, special days and all the stuff in between. I miss doing dinner without trying to race the clock to bedtime because you don’t get home until late. However much I miss this stuff I also know that my career as a nurse gives something entirely different to my girls that they wouldnt otherwise get.  My girls have seen within their own home from a very early age that we work for what we get in life, which by all accounts will be much harder for them by the time they reach my age.

 They see that even mamma bears can have a successful career and a family, whilst showing them good work ethic and a role model for developing their own careers. When they are building their families it will certainly be far harder for them to be SAHM if they so desire – it is difficult to make that happen now.  So I work hard at fitting in my career, my children, my husband, starting a business and preparing myself for that, my personal health and gitness, leisure time, friends and family…and it’s freaking hard!  You have two choices in how to deal with this, you can not bother to try saying it’s all too hard or you can get real with your schedule.  We watch very little television and the couch isn’t closely related to our butts.

Stork delivering baby

Thanks Mr Stork for this well behaved child. (Photo credit: Mediocre2010)

Now when it comes to my children I am very passionate, it’s an area that people just shouldn’t mess with no matter how brave they are. I have never and will never subscribe to the idea that well behaved children are delivered that way by a stork. How utterly laughable. Sure enough some children are born with different temperaments and personalities but that is where the ‘luck’ ends. My children are the way they are because of the standards I set in place when they were wee little ones, probably even before they were born, and because of the consistency in which they are enforced and taught. Of course we have loads of fun, we laugh alot, but my girls know where they stand and there is no guessing. Imagine a hard core super nanny…hi nice to meet you!  Now when it comes to health and fitness I get it. I really do understand out of personal experience, why/how it would be far easier to think that fit people just bounce out of bed in the morning, throw back a grapefruit with a smile, and run like the wind. Sorry to burst your bubble though because reality is that it’s more like me hauling my backside out of my nice warm cosy bed at some rediculous hour, kiss my husband and my sleeping babies goodbye, eat a banana or apple on the way out so I can huff and puff by guts out whilst feeling like a super sweaty hippo in pretty joggers as I run.  But you do it because for once in your life you realise that you are in fact a grown adult capable of being the example to the children you want to live long enough to see grow up.  Now look at my Mr Omni-Awesome. Well I will tell you like it is…marraige is hard! Terribly hard work! It is hard work to overcome the most horrendous obstacles. It’s hard work to stay strong when other people want nothing but to see your marraige fail. It’s hard work ever single day. But it is worth every tear, every sigh, every tough moment. We are open, honest, realistic, and dedicated to living an awesome life together and that is how we have a great marraige- however imperfect it is.

See – nothing is luck! We created this life we call bliss. Imperfect, irritating, hardworking bliss. Joyful, rewarding happy-ever-after bliss. Real, raw, honest bliss. Its not important to know why I had a meltdown – just that it is ok once in a while. How did I deal with it? As I said before, I ran away.

I ran away straight after school drop off to one of my favourite places on the Sunshine CoastLot 104 at Mooloolaba. They are a great “Lot” (pun totally intended because that’s how I roll) who look after me very well, not to mention I always feel very welcome and unhurried. I drank coffee, superb coffee. I at an entire MASSIVE hot breakfast all to myself. I drank hot chocolate for a little while with another run-away mum who sussed out where I was. I drank juice – fresh squeezed and totally delish. I listened to the roar of the ocean and the calming music playing overhead as I sit writing this. Now I will sit and read a book as I eat wedges with sour cream. Naughty I know – but what happens when I am M.I.A. stays M.I.A. 

     Lot 104 (Photo credit: Google images)

Although I had a meltdown today I am still purely and utterly in love with my bliss-filled life – because I choose to be.

And because today is ONLY Thursday.

Everybody Be AWESOME!!!

TAM – M.I.A. 🙂