Masculine Husbands

Shit is getting real today and no apologies.

I work. I have kids. I study. I train. (Okay these days I sometimes train). I have a busy-ass life.

I have a husband. He works. He has kids. He studies. He trains. (Wait, no he doesn’t, the man is naturally fit – insert eye roll).

So who does the work at home? We all do!

I clean. I cook. I garden. I tend to the kids. I discipline. I love.

Hubby cleans. Hubby cooks. Hubby gardens. Hubby tends to the kids. Hubby disciplines. Hubby loves.

I’m certain by now you are thinking what the fuck is she on about!!! To be totally honest my husband does do a bit more than me at home, mostly because he is the one that is there in sociable hours and I am not. He works less than me so gets in and does what needs to be done. So why is it that people in 2016 still throw about the terms “emasculated” “unfulfilled” “not a real man”? To be honest it baffles and angers me just as much as the terms “a womans place is in the kitchen” “women should put their careers on hold” “women should act ladylike”.

I’m going to share my take on what my husband is.

My husband is manly because:

***He can soothe the tears of our children
***He can chase the fears from their dreams
***He can calm even the scariest storm on their faces
***He can make them food that nourishes their bodies
***He can clean up after spilt milk and spilt tears
***He can make our girls feel like the princesses they are
***He can make math homework exciting and fun

He can do all this and still make me feel like nothing can hurt me when he is around. He cooked for me when I could only throw up (preganacy), soothed my fears when the words cancer and brain surgery were bandied around like a play thing, held me when my sobs had no end, encouraged me when my dreams felt too far away, stood firm for me when others tried to tear me down. I love him for this and so much more.

What’s so emasculate about that?

A CHILD’S PATH – PART 1

I love my children. Deeply, completely, wholeheartedly. Now for us mothers and fathers there is only one big thing we want for our kids and that is for them to be happy. But what does happy look like? When you nut it out there are specifics that we want for our kids or at least some general ways of being we want for them. For me and many parents out there some of them look like the following

What do I want for my children to grow up with?

– a sense of adventure
– feeling their fear and doing it anyway
– self respect and self love/worth
– being friends with vulnerability
– courage to reach for their goals without hesitation
– living their values

Well if I want my children to grow up with this I have to be real with myself – it doesn’t just magically happen. It happens when they see us being the example, when they see us having the same. If we want for our children we must plough head first into these things and get uncomfortable with our deepest darkest fears and insecurities – or our children will grow up only wishing the same for their children and there we have it another generational plague of insecure beings not realising their potential. It’s time for us as parents to stop hiding behind safety – behind the what ifs, don’t want to’s, I cants, too scareds, blah blah blah. It’s time for us to dare greatly and be.

So are you daring greatly? If not, why? And what can you do to move into the way of being that you want for your children. They are watching – be their compass and there light – I know you can.

MAMMA MELTDOWNS AND M.I.A.

  It’s only Thursday. It’s not Friday, so my nerves shouldn’t be completely frazzled yet. It’s not Saturday – the day when all my sadly neglected chores from the week just gone are groaning at my from just beyond the early morning training session. It’s not Sunday – the day that I ponder the week just gone as I think to myself “where the hell did that week just go”, whilst at the same time ensuring that I am as prepared as I can be for the week looming before me. NO. It’s only Thursday. ONLY. I should by all means have at least a few stray nerves left. Something with which my sanity can grasp to in an attempt to avoid the stampede of my mind as it propels itself into the weeks end. ONLY Thursday. Famous last words I would say.

Stress

Stressed out chicken goes M.I.A. (Photo credit: Dave-F)

If you haven’t already guessed, I am in the middle of my own adult-style meltdown. No I can assure you that I am also not lying on the floor in a ball of tears and tantrums pounding my fists and screaming. Dont get me wrong, if there wasn’t that single cell of sanity tightly holding grip to me then I dare say it could have been a very different post, but I assure you I havent melted to that extent – yet.  So what does one do when one has one’s own hot chocolate style meltdown? One runs away.  Yes you heard it. I ran away! I’m glad my sanity had the good sense to ignore the rational thoughts of “running away isn’t the answer”, because today that is precisely the answer! Because today is ONLY Thursday, and I still have to keep that single cell of sanity alive and intact.

Alot of people – those who do and do not know me – look at me and think that my life is blissfully easy. I know this because they have either directly told me so, I have overheard it, or their behaviour or comments have said all that needs to be said.  They think that my joy is something that comes easy. They think my schedule works because I obviously have a far easier life than theirs, and that I fit in what I do because I must have so much more time than them.  They think my childrens’ behaviour and mannerisms are a direct product of luck and that at anytime in the future they are going to turn into the boy-obsessed, frivolous, attitude filled teenager that many others kids are. They think that being motivated and dedicated to my health and fitness is either easy, or luck, or totally obsessive. They think that my husband and I have the great relationship we have because we are lucky. Right? WRONG!

Let me tell you a little secret…shhhh dont tell anyone…my life isnt easy, nor is it luck, nor is it a direct outcome of magic, leprechauns or unicorns.  I’m not a witch, a magician, or an illusionist.  My life is in fact brutally real, just like everybody else.  Lets look at joy. I’m not just naturally happy all of the time – that would be more an indication of too many happy pills don’t you think?  The reality is that I make a conscious choice each and every day to emanate what I want my life to be. If you walk around with a permanent snarl on your face and in your voice, what good comes of it? None. Lets look at my schedule. Anyone who like me manages a career outside the home as well as managing home life, and anything above and beyond that knows exactly how I feel. Gone are the days for me to be a SAHM – oh yes I miss it. I miss being present at school for drop offs, pick ups, plays, special days and all the stuff in between. I miss doing dinner without trying to race the clock to bedtime because you don’t get home until late. However much I miss this stuff I also know that my career as a nurse gives something entirely different to my girls that they wouldnt otherwise get.  My girls have seen within their own home from a very early age that we work for what we get in life, which by all accounts will be much harder for them by the time they reach my age.

 They see that even mamma bears can have a successful career and a family, whilst showing them good work ethic and a role model for developing their own careers. When they are building their families it will certainly be far harder for them to be SAHM if they so desire – it is difficult to make that happen now.  So I work hard at fitting in my career, my children, my husband, starting a business and preparing myself for that, my personal health and gitness, leisure time, friends and family…and it’s freaking hard!  You have two choices in how to deal with this, you can not bother to try saying it’s all too hard or you can get real with your schedule.  We watch very little television and the couch isn’t closely related to our butts.

Stork delivering baby

Thanks Mr Stork for this well behaved child. (Photo credit: Mediocre2010)

Now when it comes to my children I am very passionate, it’s an area that people just shouldn’t mess with no matter how brave they are. I have never and will never subscribe to the idea that well behaved children are delivered that way by a stork. How utterly laughable. Sure enough some children are born with different temperaments and personalities but that is where the ‘luck’ ends. My children are the way they are because of the standards I set in place when they were wee little ones, probably even before they were born, and because of the consistency in which they are enforced and taught. Of course we have loads of fun, we laugh alot, but my girls know where they stand and there is no guessing. Imagine a hard core super nanny…hi nice to meet you!  Now when it comes to health and fitness I get it. I really do understand out of personal experience, why/how it would be far easier to think that fit people just bounce out of bed in the morning, throw back a grapefruit with a smile, and run like the wind. Sorry to burst your bubble though because reality is that it’s more like me hauling my backside out of my nice warm cosy bed at some rediculous hour, kiss my husband and my sleeping babies goodbye, eat a banana or apple on the way out so I can huff and puff by guts out whilst feeling like a super sweaty hippo in pretty joggers as I run.  But you do it because for once in your life you realise that you are in fact a grown adult capable of being the example to the children you want to live long enough to see grow up.  Now look at my Mr Omni-Awesome. Well I will tell you like it is…marraige is hard! Terribly hard work! It is hard work to overcome the most horrendous obstacles. It’s hard work to stay strong when other people want nothing but to see your marraige fail. It’s hard work ever single day. But it is worth every tear, every sigh, every tough moment. We are open, honest, realistic, and dedicated to living an awesome life together and that is how we have a great marraige- however imperfect it is.

See – nothing is luck! We created this life we call bliss. Imperfect, irritating, hardworking bliss. Joyful, rewarding happy-ever-after bliss. Real, raw, honest bliss. Its not important to know why I had a meltdown – just that it is ok once in a while. How did I deal with it? As I said before, I ran away.

I ran away straight after school drop off to one of my favourite places on the Sunshine CoastLot 104 at Mooloolaba. They are a great “Lot” (pun totally intended because that’s how I roll) who look after me very well, not to mention I always feel very welcome and unhurried. I drank coffee, superb coffee. I at an entire MASSIVE hot breakfast all to myself. I drank hot chocolate for a little while with another run-away mum who sussed out where I was. I drank juice – fresh squeezed and totally delish. I listened to the roar of the ocean and the calming music playing overhead as I sit writing this. Now I will sit and read a book as I eat wedges with sour cream. Naughty I know – but what happens when I am M.I.A. stays M.I.A. 

     Lot 104 (Photo credit: Google images)

Although I had a meltdown today I am still purely and utterly in love with my bliss-filled life – because I choose to be.

And because today is ONLY Thursday.

Everybody Be AWESOME!!!

TAM – M.I.A. 🙂

WHATS THE WATER LIKE IN YOUR OCEAN?

I watched a video on YouTube the other day and was so moved by the plain and simple truthfulness in it that I found that I had a few stray tears tickling my cheeks. Its not often that one comes across something so profound that it leaves you speechless on the outside but bursting with *aha’s* on the inside. My husband could barely believe that their was such a *thing* as speechless when found in the same sentence as my name. HA! That will show him!

So why did this movie have such a profound impact? It had such an impact because it spoke right into my soul, and directly to the centre of my being – the part of me that is undeniably passionate about people living and experiencing a life of awesome, and that is equally as rare as many of us search for wealth, health, stuff, fluff, the “in” crowd, perfect lives blah blah blah.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xmpYnxlEh0c&feature=youtube_gdata_player

It was a commencement speech given by an Author called David Foster Wallace, to a group of Kenyon students in 2005. You could certainly believe he was talking to any one of us really and it is filled with realities and challenges that you would expect from a greying 90-something year old elder not someone so young.

Basically it talks about the fact that we all run on a natural default setting and automatic thought settings but that we have real freedom at our fingertips – which comes when we understand how to think for ourselves and create or embrace real awareness. And this awareness really is the key to a real education, not swallowing what society or our “natural default” tells or guides us to do, think, be. Even though some days we wake thinking that it really is all too hard, and life really is all too unfair…we are ultimately in possession of real freedom – we choose what to think and what not to think.

I urge you all to watch the above clip and share this blog post around for the benefit of others seeing this clip.

What are your thoughts on Davids profound words? What impact did it have on the way you view your own thoughts and your own freedom?

Go and Be AWESOME!!!

TAM 🙂

FRIENDS – DIAMONDS OR STICK ONS?

An previous post on friendships but sometimes it is good to revisit the lessons you have learnt – it can put a new perspective on many things. Friendships evolve and change over time and although we always think that friends are meant to be forever, everything in life is a season and some friends are not meant to remain in your life. Its all about complimenting each others personalities – are your friends diamonds or stick-ons? Read or revist this post and share your experiences on both.

http://wp.me/p2E4WV-gB

Everybody Be AWESOME!!!

TAM 🙂

THE WEE ONES ARE PRECIOUS

My girls are the loves of my life.

My girls are the loves of my life.

When I woke this morning I had a sense today was different. Kind of odd in a way you cannot articulate. I have these days of unease sometimes – but most of the time it will just happen that I will get a call that something is wrong with a loved one or friend, or I will find out something is wrong with a client. I dont know how but I just sense these things and one day I will go into futher details about this but for now I have a purpose to this post. Because this morning I woke, dressed for an expected long day at work, had breakfast, had some short but quality moments laughing with my husband and kids, and did some mamma bear stuff for the kidlets. Little did I know…..

So I start driving to work when I hear a comment or too, as vague as they were, about the Boston Marathon. As I drive to work I think to myself…yeah I still really want to do that Marathon – the gold standard of Marathons, that would just be awesome for Mr O-A and I to do together. Then I get to work and I hear the news and see it on the television playing in the surrounding area. “Bombs explode at finish line of Boston Marathon”. Oh dear and there it is…the sinking horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach, I just knew this morning that something sad or horrible had occured I just had to wait to find out what. How devastating, and sad, and frustrating, and horrible, and, well, how do you describe such a horrible thing. Then I see the captions at the bottom of the screen….”8yo child dies waiting for father to finish”….like a dagger in my gut – that poor kid. Cheering at the finish line. Eyes full of sparkling anticipation for his dad, his hero. Heart bursting with admiration for the most amazing man in his life. Mind overflowing with how he will one day grow up to be just as great. Boy oh boy how sad. Terribly terribly sad.

So my next post was going to be about how little ones are growing up so fast and how society seems to almost think its cute that these little ones are like mini-me’s, but I think that for today I am just going to talk about how precious our wee ones are. Because I am certain that when that little ones family awoke they certainly didnt realise what the day would hold for them. Again how sad.

Wee ones are special. I dont just mean special to their mothers and fathers. I mean really really special. To us, to society, to the future, to everyone. Wee ones hold within them that purity and innocence that we as a society should protect. But they also hold within them such amazing knowledge, and wisdom, and insight, that we tend to lose in our adult years. They seem to have an intuition and way of understanding that far surpasses what we give them credit for in their young years. We come to think as adults that although precious, these wee ones just dont have the ability to “get it” and thus we tend to coat real life, and hide from them the real world and their natural ability to figure it out.

My Two Miss's

My Two Miss’s

Each wee one is so totally special and unique, with something fantastic to offer the world. Which I guess is why I dont understand how people cannot appreciate their own children especially when they are young. For me, I really do cherish every moment with my girls, because they are not only my life but my reason for breathing each day, the reason I have acheived what I have, and the reason I have overcome the obstacles in my life. I see my children as my catalyst. They inspire me each day to be better and more awesome. For instance my girls have recently decided to go dairy free, all of their own accord, because they have learnt what happens in the current dairy industry. Understand that this is their choice, and as loving parents we are happy to support whatever they feel is their STAND in life, we will accomodate whatever they need to do this, as a family. As well as this my girls spend time in aged care facilities, and love every minute of it. They love nothing more that to spend time with the “grammas and grappas” (as Macca Moo calls them), and truly do respect that generation and all the valuable things they can teach them. They approach them with love, respect and understanding of their frailty. This does make me a very proud mamma.

What I dont understand also is how any sister, aunt, uncle, or other can fail to recognise this unique and special impact these wee ones have in our lives, and how what they do or dont do can tear that apart. I guess the girls are just blessed that I am like a bulldog and willing to fight for them even when everyone around us thinks I am being unfair.

Love my girl

Love my girl

Today in light of this tragedy, and despite that we think and feel this everyday – we hug our children and loved ones just a little bit tighter. We look straight into our wee ones eyes and tell her how much we love her. We hold our almost-teen and tell her how important and amazing she is to us and how much we love her.

We send our granddaughter and her mum and dad thoughts and prayers of love just as we do every other day. And we remember just how fleeting life is, and how you may not get a tomorrow to say you are sorry and to make things right with wee little ones. And then we thank God for taking care of us no matter what happens, and realise that the sun will rise tomorrow. We remember that lives will go on tomorrow, just as they already have. But we dont forget for one second that little boy waiting at a different finish line now for his mum and dad.Love and light to all who have been affected by this terrible thing.

Everybody Send AWESOME to Boston!!!

TAM XXX

ARE YOU A GRUMPY CAT?

Are you grumpy - or just happiness challenge. (Credit: google images)

Are you grumpy – or just happiness challenge. (Credit: google images)

Anyone who is anyone (ok, ok, anyone of facebook) has heard of, or seen “The Grumpy Cat“. In fact I think if you look at Grumpy Cats face you can almost see that one person in your life that continuously resembles this delightful *ahem* bundle of joy – and yes probably resembles the rest of us when we are at our worse, but thats all I’m admitting to!

The reason I am thinking about Grumpy Cat is entirely opposite to the thought bubble you have in your head right now but I wanted you to have an opposite point of reference. My real reason for this post is to share the exciting and amazing movie/doco that I saw on Friday night at our local university, and presented by Red Day Coaching before the rest of the world gets to see it. The movie I am talking about is called “HAPPY” I for one am entirely excited that I went.  I almost didnt go however, because I had ordered the tickets a while ago after my luncheon with Rachael Bermingham when she shared this great opportunity. So with my overloaded mother/wife/friend/nurse brain on, and still barely being able to function with a full on week of work and a healing tooth extraction – I had forgotten entirely that this screening was coming up. So when I got a text message from Red Day Coaching to remind me – I just thought what the hell! Mr Omni-Awesome was going to be at work until late so Miss Macca Moo and I had mamma and me time to do something together…and I managed to gather a few colleagues and friends to come too.

So basically, the HAPPY movie explored the infinite facets of happiness. It explored the views and experiences of people from all around the world from almost every walk of life (I really dislike that term, but at 230am in the morning – and the only time I have uninterupted quiet on school holidays – its all I could think of…but I digress) in relation to what happiness is and means to them. Interestingly it was those that had the least, or had endured the most, that were the happiest and seemingly had this happiness thing truly figured out. It appeared to just “be” with those people, which as a cancer victor and a “life happens” victor (I think I prefer to be victorious rather than just surviving), I really do get it. It is because of my life experiences and experience as a nurse that I can look at my own obstacles and still remain happy because there is so much in life to be greatful and truly happy about.

The movie totally ripped open the scientific truth of happiness as a relevant and proven method of improving life and wellness outcomes. Who says its illegal to take drugs? Give me some natural dopamine anyday! And boy did I hear nervous giggles of knowing from my dear dear friends sitting beside me when the comment arose in the movie that aerobic exercise was one of those things that increased this release of happy drug in our bodies (not to be confused with happy meals, I dont think McDonalds have natural dopamine in their *ahem* food). The science of happiness and all things happy and natural have really interested me since probably before my university training. But I remember focussing on these topics in an assignment/presentation on CAM therapies – complementary alternative therapies. But surprisingly what came through in the literature above CAMs such as acupuncture etc, was activities such as prayer, strong family connections, basically any activities that provided true joy and leave of worry for an individual.  And furthermore health providers are now being encouraged to provide strengths based approaches to the provision of care – meaning utilising the skills people innately have already. As was highlighted in this film by the Dalai Lama we are born with compassion in our blood, we have it our entire lives. So how can it be that we as a society has lost out compassion, how is it that we have lost our happiness?

It is highly devastating that society (much in the western world) is so caught up with being “super-sized successful”, “super-sized rich”, “super-sized everything”, that we have forgotten what we have right in front of us – HAPPY! JOY! LOVE! Instead we are teetering on the edge of KAROSHI – which in Australia can be termed “work yourself to death”. Yes, its a simple as that. This documentary brought to light something I had never even heard existed yet it is not only prevalent, it is something the Japanese are concerned about much of the time. And unless we start recognising that this method of working like a trojan is not working for us and is certainly not the type of world or legacy we want to leave to our children or grandchildren, then it bothers me that we are headed the same way.

So what do we do? Well this wonderful documentary showed a prime example of what we *should* be focussed on. You see in Bhutan, they have begun focussing on, measuring, and recognising the importance not of a gross national profit, but their gross national happiness. I am so excited about this because it means that somewhere in the world people are starting to focus on what is important. When everything is looked at simply there is one thing that YOU can do and that I can do to make the world change domino style – by making an individual choice each and every day to be happy, to do things that make you happy, to do things that make another happy, to chase your bliss. Happiness is like a really cool and awesome disease – so go out and spread that stuff everywhere!

Most people who know me know that I am sickeningly happy 99% of the time (unless you are withholding chocolate or telling me Im not allowed to go for my run, and then the only thing you will be worrying about is whether your legs are faster than mine!), and although I got it already and am working within my current job as a Nurse to implement FISH! Philosophy – there is always room to grown and learn. Let me say that when this movie comes out I will have the universe attending.

Unfortunately all pre screenings of HAPPY is finished but I hear that the movie will be released later in the year so stay tuned and I will update you all with details as they come through, so dont forget to follow me here or on facebook. And head over to Red Day Coaching for resources, coaching and business guidance. They have great vision and I will certainly be following them closely, awaiting the release of a program for teens – because personally I would like to get through my daughters teenage years with a few less than expected grey hairs, and just a snippet of my sanity.

Dont hold the HAPPY in - it could be dangerous! (Credit: google images)

Dont hold the HAPPY in – it could be dangerous! (Credit: google images)

So what makes you happy and why? How do you create your own happy each day? Share your stories and experiences of happy. Let us all in on your happy tips. Everybody Be AWESOMELY HAPPY!!! TAM 🙂 Ps. Head over to my facebook page My Infinite Balance, click like and join in the poll about being happy

PEAK-A-WEEK

Last year I made a commitment to do a “peak a week”. Well most of the time anyhow. Since then though I have been having a little trouble with the whole staying vertical thing and cant help but to face plant at every turn…literally. So with all the injuries I have had it has put a little dampener not only on my training schedule, but my vision to do a Peak a Week in my down time.

I love climbing mountains, no matter how big or how small. And whilst the big ones are a huge struggle, they also tend to push you further than what you would have pushed yourself on flat land, and leave you with a huge sense of accomplishment. In turn you also get the priveledge of stunning views, crisp and fresh mountain air, and because of where I live I also get the most amazing views of the entire coastline. Kind of feels a little like a slice of blissful heaven in under an hour. It can be as challenging as you make it also and as a family it brings you closer as you help each other navigate over boulders, tree roots and dusty pebbles. You watch out for each other – which I truly believe is currently lacking in society these days. There is a kind of comradery (?spell check…pfft!), that is unique to regular climbers (much similar to that which is amongst runners).

So I took my very big dose of concrete last weekend and started my “peak a week” again with Mt Coolum despite my fear that I was going to fall or slip and snap the rest of my spine in half. This week being Easter I have decided to do a much smaller one that will give us the benefit of watching the sunset. If you are on Australia’s Sunshine Coast and want to come check out Mt Tinbeerwah with a group of lovely others head over to my facebook page and check out the event for Peak a Week #2.

http://www.facebook.com/events/549071811804835/

What mountains bring your soul peace or a sense of accomplishment?

Everybody Be AWESOME!!!

TAM 🙂Image

BUSTING WITH EXCITEMENT!!!

Wow!!! I am really busting with excitement. If it werent for the two fractures in my spine I can tell you that I would be “woo hoo” ing and bouncing all over the couch like an overactive 3yo at Christmas!!! But for now I will have to settle for a bit of sedate whispering of “yeeehaaaa” because of it…and well it is 1am where I am and I am sure my young children are not going to like being woken up.

Image

 

Now you all know what a terrible start to the year has been rough with two injuries and well…life. Today the tables have turned. I got to go back to work…yay! And then I got a timely call regarding some health and fitness courses that sounds like will be cheaper (due to a degree already) and highly beneficial. I also managed to sign up to a web hoster for my new website!!! Yay me!!! It isnt live yet because there is a weeks worth of developing and implementing to be done and I kinda want to do a “thing” to go live – including a give away so share, like, follow etc to get more people in our little cluster of stars! Especially on the Sunshine Coast as I am organising some “happy happy joy joy” events in the next few months.

So I have come to the conclusion that what is meant to be is meant to be as without this injury I would never have gotten this far this soon.

Thankyou all for being on this awesome journey with me and I hope to continue with you all by my side. Oh and if you would like to guest blog on here this year please email me something that you think is uniquely you but will speak to my followers – because its all about sharing! (myinfinitebalance@live.com.au)

 

Everybody Be AWESOME!!!

TAM 🙂