I am unbelievably and undeniably in love with my daughters and all that they are, in fact if someone was to tell me that they would stay living at home forever more I secretly would not be sad about that if that is what fulfilled their lives (although with this mammas tough rules I doubt that would ever be a certainty). So considering this fact, it amazes me that I am struggling to write about my youngest daughter Mackenzie.
I think some of the dilemma I face is that more and more my children are not mine as such, but these precious ones have been placed in my life by devine purpose, despite how much I question my sanity. I am increasingly conscious of trying not to put either of them in a box which for this little human makes describing my little one difficult – but here goes.
Mackenzie is my rainbow baby. Although she is now 7, I think I will always consider her my sweet baby. Mackenzie is my rainbow baby because colour and light dance within her very being, you can even see it in her eyes and she has been a colourful baby since day one. When I first held her in my arms I felt an overwhelming warmth from within, however this was not that Hollywood instant mother bond everyone talks about because I just didn’t get that with my children – but that’s okay because these are little human beings I had to grow a deep relationship with and get to know. If I slip for a moment and try to make her fit a societal mould, it is then that I have the most grief with her because her truth is not mine or society’s – it is hers. It’s like a lock and key – if you try to make a truth fit into a space that doesn’t match it cannot unlock any potential.
Since the day she was born Mackenzie has been an energy surveyor. She knows where good and bad energy lives in each of us and her environment – and will run a mile from the yuk stuff. If someone negative or toxic comes into our space Mackenzie will have trouble connecting to them, but will also then have trouble sleeping – waking up with terrible nightmares and will struggle to even settle in to bed. It’s like she feeds off energy and the toxic stuff people share taints her world. She has also always been sensitive to the spirit realm which I guess is similar to what I’ve already mentioned – and when she was younger she would giggle at her grandma whom she only knew for the first twelve weeks of her life, and even now she talks as if she knows her grandma.
Mackenzie is thought to have auditory processing disorder, picked up by her very clever whole brain teacher in grade one, instead of dismissing her as ‘naughty’ & ‘doesn’t listen’ by her prep teacher. I like to think of her differently however. I truly believe that our children now are growing up with a much deeper consciousness than us, and just really struggle in a world that tries to make them something else. Mackenzie will sit and think very hard about what she wants to write or draw, and will then come out with something quite articulate and well constructed. She is also sensory, very sensory. Mackenzie since day one has had the need to touch everything in her reach. Life is a tactile wonderland for her and she loves nothing better than to touch every surface, every object, everything – feeling the texture of the world around her. This makes for a very interesting shopping trip in a glassware store that’s certain, probably why we don’t do it very often.
Little Miss Macca Moo delights us daily with her vivid and lively imagination, drawing us into her world through the distant giggles that radiate from her bedroom or play area. When she is in this alternate universe that dwells in her mind it is as if nothing else exists, and time stands still for up to hours at a time. Sometimes we can approach her and sit straight down beside her, all the while she continues on with her imaginary play with something as simple as a peg, some toys, or her finger characters. (Yes she has toys she plays with she just doesn’t NEED them to keep her occupied). It is only when she pauses for a moment that she may notice us there, stop what she doing, and smile her great big toothy smile as if she knows something we don’t. She does insist however that of course her ‘play friends’ are not real – although this does not matter to us because it is a joy to watch her play.
Mackenzie is a loving little spirit too. She has a firm grasp on real love and I have learnt a whole lot from this wee one. She has to be the most forgiving and compassionate person I know, and no matter what someone does to her she is ready to forgive and move forward with fresh eyes and an open heart. But she is an emotional sponge too which weighs heavily on her quite a bit. For example if someone is upset she will ponder this and look at ways to help remedy the situation. It does however result in her also absorbing others emotions which results in abdominal migraines leaving her screaming in agony – this is an area we are especially working on to teach her how to filter others emotions and energies.
All in all I am loving being her mother and try to find a bit if her zest in everything I do. I try to keep in mind that my little rainbow needs lots of colours, textures and music in life, and try to create this experience each day for her. I am such a fierce mamma for my girls and now that my eldest is strong in herself (although I am still her safety net), I am focused on creating the same self belief and strength in my rainbow baby. Those who know her are blessed and mighty lucky in my eyes.
Love you my little rainbow bright!
Mamma Bear xxx