CLOUDY, WITH A CHANCE OF PROFANITY

Hi. My name is Sunny and I’m a happyaholic. It’s been weeks since I have felt truly and exquisitely happy. I’m not liking this experience. Being on the wagon for me is excruciating. It hurts, it pains, it blows. However try as I might I can’t seem to get my fix. I’m going to have to do something – anything – to get that zing back coursing through my veins. You see, I don’t do pain. I don’t do sickness – of any kind. I don’t do joylessness. I don’t do it. Yet here I am, and all of it has hit me like a big rig. Didn’t see it coming.

So my sunshine appears to be gone – albeit for a moment or more – and has been replaced with big, black ominous clouds. It appears to me that the forecast for our family at the present moment is CLOUDY, WITH A CHANCE OF PROFANITY. Hi, my name is cloudy and I’m a happyaholic.

Im sure that none of you are strangers to hardship – of the first world kind that is. Of course when we are in the arena of our first world lives, the valleys are so very real for each one of us. Verbally and socially we can all quite easily take the high road and say that our problems in comparison are insignificant – unless of course you are in deep, and thick, and hidden from the light. Don’t misunderstand me, I DO empathise with the struggles of people less fortunate in the world both abroad and close to home. However, at this present time I am knee deep trying to wrangle my struggles like they are an untamed brumby. They just won’t submit. But many of you have no idea what I’m talking about so I will give you a snapshot of just what has been going on.

We moved to the Sunshine Coast in Queensland a few years ago because not only did I have cervical cancer, but it appeared at the time that my eldest daughter may be in for a bit of her own struggle as they grew concerned about some of her results. The sea change was less like the ones you see on television and more like a massive sacrifice. We dropped almost $40,000 a year in income, secure high paying jobs, and the ‘village’ of friends and family that we saw almost daily. In fact we didn’t even have a home when we moved up here and very little savings, but chose to treat it like a holiday of sorts and stayed in a hotel beachside til we found somewhere. We did land jobs however hubby was made redundant and mine was horrific and for my own sanity I had to leave (thankfully we love our jobs now despite the drop in pay).
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We thought we were beginning after more than two years to have a break and lean into this joyous life we have when all the chips scattered over the floor. In fact I kind of feel like my bearings have fallen out, scattered all over the floor and under the furniture, and are hidden deep beneath the couch out of arms reach. Again – this is not a pleasant experience for a OCD-control freak! Now we are faced with a multitude of first world problems and we feel ill-equipped to figure out what to do and how to deal. We have recently learned that my daughters 220+ /min heart rate whilst exercising is in fact quite dangerous and could lead to her stroking out or her heart stop beating. She is only thirteen years old. It also appears that it may be genetic because I have the same issue. We both have tricuspid valve regurgitation and are quite symptomatic. After chatting to the hospital and some Dr friends of mine it appears quite likely that Miss Rebel will require open heart surgery next year. I love my babe and we have been through some horrible stuff together and it breaks my heart that she faces more. To top all this off – our car died – right between two trucks on a busy road. Worst. Nightmare. Ever. Lucky I was alone in the car. No problem right? Wrong. We have no emergency funds. No backup support as we think it is dead for good and we need a new motor or new car. No visible way of this happening. And without two cars only one of us can work. Herein lies our first world dilemma. I won’t bore you with the rest of the list or I will have to submit a novel.
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The chance of profanity began to be real profanity. I yelled, I screamed, I sighed, I tsked, I spoke with a significant amount of profanity like it was breaking a drought. I said the ‘F’ word more times than I care to remember (and I don’t mean Shut the FRONT Door either), I began to feel just spent. Void of everything. Lacking all passionate emotion either positive or negative. Until I realised how fruitless it was. So after I was done with my self pity – okay most of my self pity – I paused and reflected on the situation. You see about sixty seconds before my car came to a halt between to trucks on a busy road(and this next bit weirded even me out), I heard a voice – not an audible kind – more like a knowing. It said “don’t be distressed when your car breaks down I’m saving you from an accident. But don’t worry I will look after everything”. Yeah odd I know. Totally creeped me out. So on reflection I began to recognise that although its a significant issue – the possibility that it may have saved my life is the focus for my gratitude.

I don’t know what the following weeks or months will hold, nor any part of the future, but I do know that i will try to keep smiling and that life will hear me ROAR!

.

KATY PERRY

Roar

I used to bite my tongue and hold my breath
Scared to rock the boat and make a mess
So I sat quietly, agreed politely
I guess that I forgot I had a choice
I let you push me past the breaking point
I stood for nothing, so I fell for everything

You held me down, but I got up (HEY!)
Already brushing off the dust
You hear my voice, you hear that sound
Like thunder gonna shake the ground
You held me down, but I got up (HEY!)
Get ready cause I’ve had enough
I see it all, I see it now

[Chorus]
I got the eye of the tiger, a fighter, dancing through the fire
Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me roar
Louder, louder than a lion
Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me roar
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
You’re gonna hear me roar

Now I’m floating like a butterfly
Stinging like a bee I earned my stripes
I went from zero, to my own hero

You held me down, but I got up (HEY!)
Already brushing off the dust
You hear my voice, you hear that sound
Like thunder gonna shake the ground
You held me down, but I got up (HEY!)
Get ready ’cause I’ve had enough
I see it all, I see it now

[Chorus]
I got the eye of the tiger, a fighter, dancing through the fire
‘Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me roar
Louder, louder than a lion
‘Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me roar
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
You’re gonna hear me roar
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
You’ll hear me roar
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
You’re gonna hear me roar…

Ro-oar, ro-oar, ro-oar, ro-oar, ro-oar

I got the eye of the tiger, a fighter, dancing through the fire
‘Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me roar
Louder, louder than a lion
‘Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me roar
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
You’re gonna hear me roar
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
You’ll hear me roar
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
You’re gonna hear me roar…

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