I have had some responses by people I know, expressing that they too are open to some do-overs or rematches with people in their lives. This prompted me to question what a do-over really meant, and a few key themes emerged allowing me to recognise the questions that must be answered in order to understand what the words ‘do-over’ and ‘rematch’ really looked like and felt like in any given situation.
Some of the questions I came up with are:
1. How are you envisioning this to occur?
Are you setting an intentive thought pattern in your mind as to how the do-over is initiated and if so, does it sound more like something out of a Disney or Pixar movie? If it is, then it’s likely that you are not only putting yourself in an unrealistic situation but are also limiting yourself and the situation by putting it into a nice, neat little box complete with curled ribbons and bows. Last I checked, these situations are rarely pretty or perfectly done. You have to remember that you and this other person are coming from a place or significant hurt, pain and many other feelings, and aiming to move through them into a place of forgiveness, acceptance and hope. This entire process requires a great deal of courage and thus a great level of vulnerability.
2. How would this experience of reconnection feel?
We would all love to bask in the thought that reconnections and do-overs give you warm fuzzies that hug you close and sprinkle fairy dust of joy over your head. But we would also all like to believe that having a 12 pound baby with no pain relief is the experience of a lifetime leaving us with fond memories you will jump to repeat. To be serious many of us know that is ridiculously far fetched – I mean how many people have 12 pound babies these days…… No. While we might hope and dream, the reality is that reconnections are often fraught with uncertainty, anxiousness, fear, tentativeness, and relived pain. Will we be stuck in those feelings? No. However feeling them and experiencing them will work well to take the fear factor out of them and make them less intimidating.
3. How would the players interact during the initial stages of reconnection?
This is entirely dependant on those involved. One would hope it would not resemble a road runner style attack on kyote, neither resembling a Ren and Stimpy episode. But I imagine there would be a great deal of body language resembling hesitation and uncertainty. I imagine it would probably lack those BESTIE-style hugs reserved for your ‘peeps’, but then again you just never know! They say that hugs are a great healer and a global communicator of love and compassion.
It occurred to me through looking at these questions however, that maybe we don’t need to reinvent the wheel. Maybe that wheel needs to be thrown to the trash heap and a new wheel, custom designed, needs to be fitted instead. Maybe we just need to look at this reconnection as a new connection instead – a new season perhaps.
Do I have all the answers? No, certainly not. However I’m enjoying this ride despite all the confronting themes coming out of it, but I will push forward and continue my journey to my infinite balance even in the face of shifting dynamics.
So, how have you experienced reconnections or do-overs in your life and what did they look and feel like? I would be really interested to hear how you faired and dealt.