Well…I know this seems hard to believe but I had trouble nailing down a specific topic to blog about for this entry and really dislike not having a flow or a purpose in what I do (yep there is the anal OCD thing rearing its head lol), but I decided to write about something (a little indirectly so as to protect identities) that I have wanted to express but found difficult to articulate so here goes – to forgive or to forget…are they one in the same?
In my 33 years I have been disregarded, manipulated, wounded, disrespected, taken advantage of, burned, blah blah blah blah. Now for many years I laid myself out with great pleasure like the doormat I used to be and allowed people to wipe their dirty feet all over me for the sake of “keeping the peace”, “not rocking the boat”, “being christian good girl”, “turning the other cheek”…blah blah blah blah! And that was quite acceptable to my sense of “self” at that point in time because frankly and honestly I didnt ever believe that I deserved anything different and felt the need to compensate for my inadequacies by dismissing the poor behaviour and bad manners of other people.
Over the past few years however I believe that I have slowly been learning a bit more about myself, the needs, beliefs and values that being me encompasses, and have started to throw out that old adage that I dont deserve what everyone else does. Moreso in the past month since my Emazon experience – but it began a couple of years ago. I do think becoming a mummy kick started it though, because as a mum in this sometimes harsh world we have to become avid advocates (try saying that ten times lol) for our young.
This hasnt been an easy transition though because people who know you think you have some personality disorder when you start to stand your ground, and new people sometimes percieve you as being an unmoving, inflexible phenominal bitch – and although that term used to upset me, now I take almost delight in someone calling me that because it means I am standing for something!
So, getting back to the point at hand, in standing my ground with certain people about particularly important things – does forgiving them for their actions mean that you also have to forget? The Oxford Dictionary explains forgiveness as:
“the act of ceasing to be angry, resentful in regards to a wrong, flaw or offence”
Now although I have struggled to reach this point for a long time – I have now reached the point that I have no feeling of anger towards these people thus I have forgiven them and wish them the very best for their future – its just that I feel that to forget (which is the inability to remember) is not only near impossible, but puts me at risk of having to go through the same lesson all over again.
Now if it were only me that were affected then sure I guess I can overlook some shit that pisses me off (disrespect, stupidity, blah blah blah), but now that I am a mummy I have to ensure that the people we hold close to us and spend alot of time with are the type of people I would be pleased to have them look up to – especially in terms of personality and character qualities.
So in ending…what do you do in these situations?
Do you forgive and forget and move on as if it never happened – and continuing this process indefinitely with good grace?
Or do you forgive and learn the lesson it was meant to teach you – therefore making the changes that present as needing to be changed?
For now I have decided to forgive, take heed in the lesson – but send zoot zoot zooties to those people – and always to smile!
Everybody Be AWESOME!
For all those people Im sending zooties to