TO FORGIVE? OR TO FORGET?…That is the question!

Well…I know this seems hard to believe but I had trouble nailing down a specific topic to blog about for this entry and really dislike not having a flow or a purpose in what I do (yep there is the anal OCD thing rearing its head lol), but I decided to write about something (a little indirectly so as to protect identities) that I have wanted to express but found difficult to articulate so here goes – to forgive or to forget…are they one in the same?

In my 33 years I have been disregarded, manipulated, wounded, disrespected, taken advantage of, burned, blah blah blah blah.  Now for many years I laid myself out with great pleasure like the doormat I used to be and allowed people to wipe their dirty feet all over me for the sake of “keeping the peace”, “not rocking the boat”, “being christian good girl”, “turning the other cheek”…blah blah blah blah!  And that was quite acceptable to my sense of “self” at that point in time because frankly and honestly I didnt ever believe that I deserved anything different and felt the need to compensate for my inadequacies by dismissing the poor behaviour and bad manners of other people.

Over the past few years however I believe that I have slowly been learning a bit more about myself, the needs, beliefs and values that being me encompasses, and have started to throw out that old adage that I dont deserve what everyone else does.  Moreso in the past month since my Emazon experience – but it began a couple of years ago.  I do think becoming a mummy kick started it though, because as a mum in this sometimes harsh world we have to become avid advocates (try saying that ten times lol) for our young.

This hasnt been an easy transition though because people who know you think you have some personality disorder when you start to stand your ground, and new people sometimes percieve you as being an unmoving, inflexible phenominal bitch – and although that term used to upset me, now I take almost delight in someone calling me that because it means I am standing for something!

So, getting back to the point at hand, in standing my ground with certain people about particularly important things – does forgiving them for their actions mean that you also have to forget?  The Oxford Dictionary explains forgiveness as:

“the act of ceasing to be angry, resentful in regards to a wrong, flaw or offence”

Now although I have struggled to reach this point for a long time – I have now reached the point that I have no feeling of anger towards these people thus I have forgiven them and wish them the very best for their future – its just that I feel that to forget (which is the inability to remember) is not only near impossible, but puts me at risk of having to go through the same lesson all over again.

 

Now if it were only me that were affected then sure I guess I can overlook some shit that pisses me off (disrespect, stupidity, blah blah blah), but now that I am a mummy I have to ensure that the people we hold close to us and spend alot of time with are the type of people I would be pleased to have them look up to – especially in terms of personality and character qualities.

So in ending…what do you do in these situations?

Do you forgive and forget and move on as if it never happened – and continuing this process indefinitely with good grace?

Or do you forgive and learn the lesson it was meant to teach you – therefore making the changes that present as needing to be changed?

For now I have decided to forgive, take heed in the lesson – but send zoot zoot zooties to those people – and always to smile!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vQFl4a0xiBE

Remember

Everybody Be AWESOME!

TAM 🙂

For all those people Im sending zooties to

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3 thoughts on “TO FORGIVE? OR TO FORGET?…That is the question!

  1. Amen. I am hearing you. Forgive? Yep I can do that (still work in progress) but forget? Nope sorry. Can’t do that. As you say my awesome friend it leaves you open to experiencing that pain again. You are meant to learn from your mistakes and and if you forget then you can’t learn…

    Have a great day my awesome friend.

  2. This was a difficult one for me to sort out in my head for a long time too. I guess the essence for me of forgiving someone who has done me or my loved ones wrong is that it becomes a gift to myself. While ever I hold resentment and yes at times hate for the other person, it changes me, who I am on a deep level, deep enough to make me sick in ways that may not become apparent until much later. When I forgive the other person it releases something toxic inside me and makes room for more of something good. I agree with you JD it is important not to forget and is not necessary in order to forgive.Forgiveness is a gift to me not to them and I do not have to forget what they did to do that.

    Have a wonderfully balanced day full of awesomeness 🙂

  3. Interesting question isn’t it! I think of it this way. Forgiveness is incredibly important as the action of forgiveness free’s you up so that you can move forward in your life. It breaks the bondage that you have with the person who hurt you – It was once explained to me that while we hold unforgiveness, its like we are holding that person and what they did captive so that life or God can’t deal with them. I liked that idea so much as I think that life or God can do far more damage to the person in terms of consequence or karma (I’m not saying I believe in Karma – just the idea of if you do something bad, the consequence isn’t going to be all that great) than what I could ever do!
    These days I find forgiveness an easier place to go to as I know that somewhere in life they are going to have to deal with whatever issues they have via the consequences that come upon them.
    As far as forgetting I am unsure if you ever forget who said what or did what to us, but I think forgiveness is so incredibly medicinal as it helps take the sting out of the equation so not forgetting is more about the fact of something happening rather than the emotion of the thing happening if that makes sense.

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