SHUT UP AND RUN!!! Play by play of my first 10km

“Ok so today I ran my first 10km run…needless to say that many times during this distance my body and my thoughts where shaking me senseless screaming at me to stop this nonsense and just walk the whole way.  But lately the voices and I dont see eye to eye and I have had to tell them to “SHUT THE F#*! UP” so I can do what needs to be done and handle my shit!  Now whilst I am seriously not up to doing this play by play today I will do this in the next day or so along with pics…so stay tuned this is funny and tear jerking!”

!THE NIGHT BEFORE THE BIG DAY!

So preparations began on Thursday when my wonderful folks arrived for the next few days and joined us for a Thai dinner, and then Friday afternoon when my bestie Rach arrived with her daughter (and Miss Moo’s bestie) Ana – which I was already excited about since not seeing them for ages but now my BIG weekend was here I was almost beside myself.  I got to enjoy noodlebox, a grocery shop, a cold bevvy, and coffee with my girl Rach chatting, laughing and catching up without the kids thanks to Mr Omni-Awesome.  Then a delightful Saturday at the markets and a bbq at Mooloolaba – oh that was heaven…the smell of bbq, the cool salt air, kids laughing and having fun – followed by coffee and gelato (sml of course). Then it was time to settle in for the night when IT all started.

Combination of unsettled tummy from eating strawberry (diverticuli grrr), inability to settle, and far too many things to prepare for the BIG morning!!! Oh dear I was in agony…and to top it off the nerves were setting in and my previously torn adductor seemed to remember the last significant race I did on it (5km twilight run with torn adductor and broken rib) and wouldnt let me forget it!!! How the hell was I going to run like this??? WTF!!! No way!!! I was NOT going down like that.  So out popped the peppermint to settle my tummy, pain killers, stretches and a warm cuddle with Mr Omni-Awesome when the chills set in…CRIKEY GEEZ!!!

THE MORNING OF THE BIG DAY

Well the morning of looked more like a bunch of kids on sugar and preservatives LOL!!! I was running around with no clear idea on what I should be doing (I know I appear kept together but seriously I felt shaken), heart rate rising, temper shortening a little like this:

Ok so not a BUNCH  of kids…just 1 – ME!!! And that was just after a banana lol hahaha. So we get down there (after Mr O-A taking us on the scenic route to try and find a parking spot closer that the next state lol) and just dump all our stuff on the ground whilst looking like a stunned mullet around at what to do next (oh that was after our very very very very very very – ok you get the use of the very – long wait for the toilet…better squeeze everything out coz there wont be time to line up again).  We get all the happy aka. freaking-holy-crap-what-did-I-sign-up-for pics with our loved ones and head to the waiting area at the start line (insert freakout again here).  It was great though to meet some new amazing people and feel part of something bigger.  And in this time we also made it clear that we would walk the hill so we could finish strong rather that do ourselves in before we even got into it…boy were we smart in that coz boy is it getting hotter as we stand here waiting??? Then the countdown and siren goes – and we are off and ….walking hahaha!!!

THE FIRST 2 KMS

So we were off…and walking hahaha! yes many were passing us and with the crowd cheering and yelling out run! run! wooo! hooo!…it was hard to not get caught up in the flow of everyone else.  And as we rounded the top of the hill and started walking down we started to pass a few people, and a few who had started of running and slowed to a brisk walk…hmmm smart indeed me thinks! We reached the first hydration stop and although it was soon in the “walk” lol I thought yes defo have a little coz you might feel it when you start running – so at the base of the hill I took a puff of my asthma puffer and started running (now for those of you who are imagining my legs pumping long graceful strides faster than road runner – STOP! – it soooooo isnt like that…my run is more a jog…a shuffle…but certainly not a walk (yes Melissa it is slow lol). Now the goal was to try to settle my breathing (thanks for the chewy), get into a rhythm, and settle in for the next 8 kms…coz my aim was to continue this pace, no walking til the finish line! Now the sight in these first two kms was nothing less than impressive as I looked forward to the sea of bodies bobbing up and down like bobble head pets that you put on your dashboard…it was a mammoth sea and just a little daunting!

THE MESS IN THE MIDDLE – KMS 2 – 8

So along we run and I dont seem to be able to get any faster – not because my legs wont carry me because they were feeling great, and not because I was struggle to breathe because that was great thanks to the chewing gum…but because my heart rate just wouldnt settle – it was creeping up ever so slowly and not settling back down very easily (as a nurse this concerned me because I have a leaky valve and havent exactly lived a healthy life up until 12months ago so I already have damage to my arteries). Ordinarily this wouldnt be a problem because Mr O-A had said he would stay with me the whole way…but today he had to get back in time to also do the 2km with 5yo Miss Moo. So with the promise from my lovely friend Melissa that she would stay with me the whole way and alot of coaxing he ran off to finish his 10km in time. I am very blessed to have had such an amazing friend with me because she is also a mental health nurse and new exactly what to say to support me when my head wanted to take over.

How good it felt though to know I wasnt going to be last this time round!!! As we kept pace we could see that some of those who forged ahead hard and fast early were now struggling in the heat to keep up the pace – and because of what my PT taught me ages ago about the first few minutes of exercising and the importance to stick it in steady to be able to finish and settle into it I just kept reminding myself that this is what I needed to do.

The hydration stations were a blessing in the heat though…both Melissa and I grabbed two for the road – one for our head and one for our throats lol hahaha…not remotely an attractive look especially when you throw the wrong one over your head and feel more like a dozen kids have given you lolly enhanced encouragement pats hahaha! Nor is it attractive when you miss your own head and throw it into your face directly (omg I am almost falling off my chair laughing at myself).

At a few spots they even had a hose acting like a sprinkler at which point i gestured to the guy at the wrong time to drench me and got blasted….ok I really have to stop laughing now before I really do fall off my chair! So during this part I really struggled because my body was starting to act up with a few niggles in my knees, my throat started closing up (dont worry I had my puffer), I had a few niggles in my chest, and my heart rate was rising to near 200/min (not a good level to reach the end on my legs not via ambo van) so I got a pep talk from my Lissa, and pulled out my Red card (the imaginary card that I was holding for this exact moment) which reminded me to STAND THE F#*! UP AND FIGHT – to let my RED self take over and get me into view of the home stretch…I put my fave song on my ipod ( http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JSBbMy6BA1s ) got out of my thoughts and just focused on one foot in front of the other continuously.

THE HOME STRETCH

This was the part of the run I was looking forward to this part of the run…my home stretch as it were for many of my Saturday morning training runs…beach side, cool ocean breezes (thank goodness Lissa reminded me that the temp would improve…needed to know that I wasnt gonna sweat my arse off the whole way), and beautiful scenery. The only thing that was getting to me was the knowledge that I was going to make it without stopping – what a powerful thought, and not one that I thought would almost stop me in my tracks as I struggled to stop myself from bawling very unattractively for the last couple of kms! I wasnt crying because I was sad – I was crying because I didnt really ever think I could run almost all that way, because I had never thought my life would be this amazing or that I could achieve what I once thought impossible…and because I was running for the lives of those who suffer daily with brain disorders – alzheimers/dementia, brain injuries, etc etc (and I am very passionate about this because I have been living with migraines, vertigo and a cyst on my brain for over 10 years)…and this fact is also what kept me going…many times during this race Lissa said “what are you running for?”…and I looked down at name on my arm “LOUISE” – my sister in laws mum who passed away that week and had lived through alzheimers. This alone brought tears to my eyes but gave me that extra boost to run that extra little while.

The finish line however was all about me…crossing that line always had to be about me because it was the line that for me defined the distance I had come in life and the barrier, excuses and hardships I had crossed through – the other side of that line was where I needed to be come hell or high water.  Now I had mentioned to my Lissa that I wanted to sprint the last bit but I really wasnt sure I had it in me.  But something snapped…almost like I was leaving my old me behind and carrying my new me over the line – all of a sudden (and I mean quite literally because I didnt even think to forewarn my lovely race buddy – dont worry I will pay for that at the next run when she beats my arse)…so all of a sudden my legs felt light, felt like I had wings and I took off full pelt toward the finish line…and held in the tears til I crossed!!! F’N DONE!!!

So I had done it!!! 10kms, sunburnt, dehydrated, shaking, crying, and barely able to walk…and you know what I did….drank myself the best tasting Corona I have every had!!!

So to those of you who think you cannot do it…give yourself a little more credit. And congratulations and well done to all those who entered. Especially to my wonderful friends, and my amazing children who both did the 2 kms – a family affair it was I would say. I am more proud that they could ever know!

Stay tuned – my next goal…my FIRST triathlon!!!

Everybody Be AWESOME!!!

TAM 🙂

WHO ARE YOU?

I decided that one special woman who has just passed away, and all the other loved and cherished ones that live with dementia/alzheimers or a form of it, deserved a blog post in order to educate people about this – especially since

  • Almost 280,000 Australians currently live with dementia
  • Without a significant medical breakthrough, that is expected to soar to almost 1 million by 2050
  • Each week, there are 1,600 new cases of dementia in Australia. That is expected to grow to 7,400 new diagnoses each week by 2050
  • Dementia is the third leading cause of death in Australia, after heart disease and stroke
  • One in four people over the age of 85 have dementia
  • Dementia is fatal and, as yet, there is no cure
  • Dementia is not a normal part of ageing
  • Australia faces a shortage of more than 150,000 paid and unpaid carers for people with dementia by 2029
  • By 2060, spending on dementia is set to outstrip that of any other health condition
  • Dementia is already the single greatest cause of disability in older Australians (aged 65 years or older)

(Info as of 2012 thanks to http://www.fightdementia.org.au/understanding-dementia/statistics.aspx )

This Sunday I am “Running For A Cause” 10kms in the Sunshine Coast Marathon not just to complete something on my AWESOME list – but to raise much needed funds for Neuroscience Research Australia – “discover – conquer – cure”, but also in loving memory to honour a special lady Louise who passed away this week and lived this reality that is Alzheimers. http://www.everydayhero.com.au/tammy_pluck

So what are the risk factors for this? Well they include cardiovascular risk factors, diabetes, cholesterol, family history, head injuries, long term alcohol abuse, and many other factors associated within these.

But the statistics are not the only important thing here…we are talking about people and those that love them. What a difficult thing to experience a a normal/regular life with someone – whether it be a mother, father, sister, daughter etc etc – then in a sense to have all that wiped clean when the throws of dementia set in.  First they get a bit forgetful, forget who you are until prompted, then they dont remember you at all sometimes not even remebering that they have children – instead they experience their reality as some time in their past.

THE POEM

What do you see Nurses, What do you see?
What are you thinking when you look at me?
A crabby old woman, not very wise,
Uncertain of habit with far away eyes.

Who dribbles her food and makes no reply,
Who when you say in a loud voice, I do wish you’d try,
Who seems not to notice the things that you do
And is forever losing a stocking or shoe.

Who is unresisting or not, lets you do as you will,
With bathing and feeding the day long to fill
Is that what you were thinking, is that what you see?
Then open your eyes nurse, you’re not looking at me.

I’ll tell you who I am as I sit here so still
As I do your bidding, as I eat at your will.
I’m a small Child of ten, with a father and mother,
Brothers and sisters who love one another

A young girl of sixteen with wings on her feet,
Dreaming that soon a lover she’ll meet.
A bride now twenty, my heart gives a leap,
Remembering the vows I promised to keep,
At twenty-five now, I have young of my own,
Who need me to build a secure happy home.
A woman off thirty, my young grow fast

Bound to each other with ties that should last.
At forty my young ones have grown and have gone,
But my man’s beside me to see I don’t moan

At fifty once more babies play around my knee
Again we know children, my loved one and me.
Dark days are upon me, my husband is dead,
I look at the future, I shudder with dread,
For my young are all rearing young of their own

I think of the years and the love that I’ve known
I’m an old woman now, and nature is cruel
‘Tis her jest to make old age look like a fool.

The body it crumples, grace and vigour depart;
There is now a stone where once I had a heart.
But inside this carcass, a young girl still dwells
And now and again my battered heart swells
I remember the joys, I remember the pains
I’m loving and living life over again.
I think of the years all too few-gone too fast
And accept the stark fact that nothing can last.
So open your eyes nurse, open and see,
Not a crabby old woman. Look closer, see ME.

Author – Anonymous Dementia Patient

But dementia doesnt have to be a negative experience (yes we still want a cure and want to have our loved ones back to what they were), but as a health care worker I feel a real passion for the care of these very special people and their families. I like to endeavour to treat each person with the individuality and respect that they deserve no matter how many times I have to explain who I am and what my role is.  And life can still be enjoyed with activities that are appropriate for their understanding and abilities.  What we need is more research, more volunteers, and compassion for all involved. So spare a thought for those with dementia and their families for one day we may very well be in either of their shoes – and remember while you still can to live your live to the very maximum…make it count!

(song by green day)

Another turning point, a fork stuck in the  road

Time grabs you by the wrist, directs you where  to go

So make the best of this  test and don’t ask why

It’s not a question but a  lesson learned in time

It’s something unpredictable but in the end is  right

I hope you had the time of  your life

So take the photographs and still frames in your mind

Hang  it on a shelf in good health and good time

Tattoos  of memories and dead skin on trial

For  what it’s worth, it was worth all the while

It’s  something unpredictable but in the end is right

I  hope you had the time of your life

I’M SO EXCITED…I could just pee (ok so that last part was unneccessary but soooo funny!)

No really…I ACTUALLY love running!!! (Extract sarcastic undertone)

!!!OH MY GOODNESS, OH MY GOODNESS, OH MY GOODNESS!!!

ONLY 6 SLEEPS UNTIL MY FIRST 10KM RUN

I know I know I know already! Why the hell does the thought or action of that excite me so much? Most people cringe at the mere mention of running and honestly 12 months ago I would have been one of them.  For a number of reasons really:

“sweatsweatsweat.breathless.fear.cantbebothered.toohard.

doesntwork.medicalreasonslikemymuscleshurt.dontlookgood

inworkoutgear.goshwhatifitkillsme.dontwantpeopletolaughatme.

imnotcrazy.iwobbletoomuch.itwillhurt.whybother?.iwanttoenjoy

mytime.toobusy.ipreferwalking.blah.blah.blah.”

First of all I couldnt walk briskly for 5 minutes without feeling like I had just burnt about a years worth of chocolate cake, and feeling like a cardiologist may just be in for a better retirement fund when I need a consultation.  Then I was reminded that many people think something is impossible and sometimes even ridiculous before they experience it – and that every great journey began with two things…the very first step and the decision to take it.

Then I walk/ran the Mooloolaba Triathlon 5km Twilight Run and came in a phenominally memorable last in front of my family, friends and loads of spectators along with two other gutsy women.  It was the toughest 5km ever and so many times I thought about stopping (like the asthma attack, my throat closing up, the pain in my broken rib and torn adductor), but all the while my Miss Macca Moo yelling “shut up and run”, and I am sure the crowd cheering me on was more like this (although I am sure it was all in my head lol hahaha)

The crowd was so supportive although I think they might have been saying much nicer stuff this is all I could hear lol

…and the feeling of accomplishment was AMAZING!!! So now doing another 5km just feels wrong and feels like i would be going backwards – you all know I love a challenge – and although I am resigned to the fact that unless I am the only one running or everyone breaks their legs during the race or I suddenly become a lightning bolt…then I am not likely to come first lol. But that is not the reason I am doing the 10km…winning for me is being able to pat myself on the back at the end, take a swig of a nice cold corona and say to myself that I defied my past beliefs and pushed myself further than I could have ever imagined way back when.

I am going to be
DIDNT FINISH LAST!

So the reasons I am excited about running 10km:

“achievement.endorphins.becauseican.feelingfree.challenge.ihavetwo

workinglegs.myheartpumps.sweatsweatsweat.iWILLwobbleless.inspire

mykids.rebellionagainstthosewhosayicant.rebellionagainsttheoldme.

thecomplimentarysunvisor.theparticipantsmedal.toraisemoneyfor-neuroscience.tobeatmyhusbandlol.forthebeer.FORME!”

So yes I am excited, and will be counting down the days like a kid before christmas and will revel in all the race day celebrations – plus I get to spend time with my folks, make them proud, and to sweeten the deal my amazing bestie is coming up for the weekend – so parteeeeeee!!!

Me and my gorgeous bestie Rach (really need to take an updated pic of us…been a long time!

Everybody Be AWESOME!!!

TAM 🙂

 

 

TO FORGIVE? OR TO FORGET?…That is the question!

Well…I know this seems hard to believe but I had trouble nailing down a specific topic to blog about for this entry and really dislike not having a flow or a purpose in what I do (yep there is the anal OCD thing rearing its head lol), but I decided to write about something (a little indirectly so as to protect identities) that I have wanted to express but found difficult to articulate so here goes – to forgive or to forget…are they one in the same?

In my 33 years I have been disregarded, manipulated, wounded, disrespected, taken advantage of, burned, blah blah blah blah.  Now for many years I laid myself out with great pleasure like the doormat I used to be and allowed people to wipe their dirty feet all over me for the sake of “keeping the peace”, “not rocking the boat”, “being christian good girl”, “turning the other cheek”…blah blah blah blah!  And that was quite acceptable to my sense of “self” at that point in time because frankly and honestly I didnt ever believe that I deserved anything different and felt the need to compensate for my inadequacies by dismissing the poor behaviour and bad manners of other people.

Over the past few years however I believe that I have slowly been learning a bit more about myself, the needs, beliefs and values that being me encompasses, and have started to throw out that old adage that I dont deserve what everyone else does.  Moreso in the past month since my Emazon experience – but it began a couple of years ago.  I do think becoming a mummy kick started it though, because as a mum in this sometimes harsh world we have to become avid advocates (try saying that ten times lol) for our young.

This hasnt been an easy transition though because people who know you think you have some personality disorder when you start to stand your ground, and new people sometimes percieve you as being an unmoving, inflexible phenominal bitch – and although that term used to upset me, now I take almost delight in someone calling me that because it means I am standing for something!

So, getting back to the point at hand, in standing my ground with certain people about particularly important things – does forgiving them for their actions mean that you also have to forget?  The Oxford Dictionary explains forgiveness as:

“the act of ceasing to be angry, resentful in regards to a wrong, flaw or offence”

Now although I have struggled to reach this point for a long time – I have now reached the point that I have no feeling of anger towards these people thus I have forgiven them and wish them the very best for their future – its just that I feel that to forget (which is the inability to remember) is not only near impossible, but puts me at risk of having to go through the same lesson all over again.

 

Now if it were only me that were affected then sure I guess I can overlook some shit that pisses me off (disrespect, stupidity, blah blah blah), but now that I am a mummy I have to ensure that the people we hold close to us and spend alot of time with are the type of people I would be pleased to have them look up to – especially in terms of personality and character qualities.

So in ending…what do you do in these situations?

Do you forgive and forget and move on as if it never happened – and continuing this process indefinitely with good grace?

Or do you forgive and learn the lesson it was meant to teach you – therefore making the changes that present as needing to be changed?

For now I have decided to forgive, take heed in the lesson – but send zoot zoot zooties to those people – and always to smile!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vQFl4a0xiBE

Remember

Everybody Be AWESOME!

TAM 🙂

For all those people Im sending zooties to

I’M GONNA LOVE YOU – for the rest of my life

" Once in a while, in the middle of an or...

” Once in a while, in the middle of an ordinary life,love gives us a fairy tale ” (Photo credit: tacit requiem (joanneQEscober ))

The other day I came home and my wonderful man had bought me a beautiful bunch of flowers, a single red rose (my fave – so simple and beautiful) and some dark chocolate saying to me it is just because he loves me, I am awesome, and because I deserve it (insert a big “awwwwww” here) x So I felt that my wonderful man deserved some credit for how amazing he is…love ya honey x

 

 

On November 1, 2008 I married the most amazing man in the world – my soul mate, my best friend, the father to my children and one of the reasons I get up every day and smile.

Just when i thought that I was content to raise Lauren on my own as a single mum, and had settled into single life quite happily – along comes this amazing man whom I instantly fall in love with…and feel a connection unlike any other with.  And although the 19 year age gap (yes I am the younger one – hard to believe isnt it! lol), made us catch our breath (for a very brief second), it didnt stop the connection we felt.  I am sure – ok I am certain – that this age gap cause alot of head shaking, tsking and utter disbelief to many in our lives…but again when something is meant to be its meant to be and well point made.

We havent been without our turmoil and struggles of course – like most couples you have those who like to tell you how to “do” your marraige, those who like to make our marraige shake a little with their “issues”, but still we are in love and will continue to be until the end of time.

The most wonderful thing about my Mr Omni-Awesome is the supportive role he plays in my life.  When I was sick he threw himself into looking after not only the girls but me too.  When I had hours upon hours of study night after night to finish my degree, he not only supported me but my girlfriends too with snacks and supplies lol.  When his girls Lauren and Mackenzie need him for school stuff, or just daddy stuff…he is there and attentive to their needs.  When we felt our marraige was under threat he stood firm and fought for us.

And even today he melts my heart, makes me smile and everyday I thank God for this wonderful man that I am blessed to be married to.  That is why this entry is about him – he deserves the recognition of how wonderful he is.

To my Honey – Thankyou for being an amazing husband, father and friend. I love you forever and look forward to spending the rest of our lives blissfully together.

This is the song that I walked down the aisle to:

IM GONNA LOVE YOU

JENNIFER LOVE HEWITT

Angel in disguise
Stories in his eyes
Love for every true heart that it sees.

Was it just a lucky day
That it turned to look my way
Or is it Heaven right before my very eyes.

He showed me all new things
The shimmer of moonbeans
I was blind, but now he’s helped me see.

I was lost but now I’m found
His happiness surrounds
And now I find that my dreams can come true.

[Chorus]
Cause I’m gonna love you for the rest of my life
I’m holding you safe here in this heart of mine
I can’t live without you cause my soul would die
You know I’m telling the truth, I’ll spend the rest of my life loving you

It didn’t start this way
It happened just one day
You smiled at me and I saw you, differently.

Now I’m a tremble just to be
A part of you as we
Begin a life that’s sure to never end.

Evverybody Be AWESOME!!!

TAM 🙂

MY TANK LIST – Coz a bucket cant contain this much AWESOMENESS!

Hey hello hi!!!

So I am calling this list my “TANK” list because frankly I dont think a bucket could contain the sheer awesomeness that this list will encompass – ooooohhhh maybe it should be an AWESOMENESS list…lol hahaha…but call it what you will it is still what one would consider a list of “to do’s” in this lifes journey!

But where many people have a mental link to the movie of the same title, and many equate the term to desired achievements before you die, I prefer to relate to this term as things to do – period – and because many of us do not know the time nor the day, then I am going to start on mine now and aim hard at achieving each one whilst enjoying the ride.  So here goes (I have decided to categorise them because I have OCD and am anal about organisation lol) – I cant say that they will all make sense or mean anything to other people like items on popular bucket lists but hey, its my list!

PLACES I WANT TO VISIT

1.  Israel                                  6.  New Zealand

2.  Antarctica                           7.  Canada

3.  Europe                               8.  Colorado

4.  Hawaii                                9.  Tibet

5.  Africa                                  10.  Bora Bora

THINGS I WANT TO DO

1.  Skydiving                               6.  Deep Sea Fishing

2.  Parasailing                             7.  Get my motorbike license

3.  Kokoda Trail                           8.  Dawn service in Gallipoli

4.  Scuba Diving                          9.  Learn to surf

5.  Learn a language                   10.  Get tattoo of a concrete truck on my ankle (hehe)

THINGS I WANT TO ACHIEVE

1.  10 km                                      6.  Compete in Masters Games

2.  Half Marathon                         7.  Write/publish a book

3.  Marathon                                8.  Learn to rock n roll with my husband

4.  Triathlon                                 9.  Get my Masters Degree

5.  Tough Mudder                       10.  Learn to ocean swim

THE WARM FUZZY STUFF

1.  See my children succeed in what makes them happy

2.  Become a grandmother

3.  Become completely content with who I am

4.  Know exactly who I am

5. ……and to never stop dreaming, believing and aiming for the highest mountain!!!

So what is on your AWESOME list???

I know I will never stop adding to mine – in fact there are a few that I have taken off now because I have achieved them already:

SO FAR……..

1.  Married the man of my dreams

Catch of the century – Mr Omni-Awesome

2.  Given birth to my beautiful children

Best experience in life? My girls!!!

3.  Live at the beach

My chicka Loz riding the waves

4.  Complete a degree

The Graduate!

5.  Complete a 5km run (in the Mooloolaba Triathlon)

 

 

Well there it is…my AWESOMENESS list…I take comfort in the fact that if I have already achieved some then nothing can stop me from achieving the rest on my list – therefore so can you!!!

Everybody Be AWESOME!!!

TAM 🙂

Interesting read and certainly what I have been doing – trying something new! My new thing this year will be a triathlon and learning to surf…both scary but new all the same!!!

Mind of Andy

Not long ago, I swore an oath to myself. Or… at least I said to myself:

Andy! In whatever aspect of life I currently find myself in, you must do everything to always seek new ways of doing things. Always aim to eliminate what makes my spine chill by walking towards my fears with both erect posture and state of mind! Always to seek new things such as music, art, writings, friends etc.

Exploration is the keyword here. And there even is a mathematical phenomenon too called the Fibonacci sequence to explain this. In short, it always seeks outwards and therefore becomes a spiral with no limit to its exploring end.

I, Andy, therefore as a responsible being, refuse to end up as one of those who have had the same pattern of behavior and acting for the last 5 years and the next 5, too. Now – I might…

View original post 581 more words

YOUR F*%#ING PERFECT

Today I decided to write to my old self, my younger more inexperienced me…interesting to look at what I would tell myself…and how far I have come in my thinking.

Dear “the old me” – life will be awesome!

To The Old Me,

Just a heartfelt message of encouragement for those days where life just seems too hard or too difficult.  You know the ones – the ones that pick you up and dump you in the middle of a dark hole with no ladder and no lifeline? Yep, thought you would get it…

I know that everyday you struggle to get out of bed and face the world. The physical pain threatens to engulf your entire being and it seems as though just existing may just take every ounce of energy you have summoned. The emotional turmoil is unbearable beyond belief and sticks you with nasty thorns with each passing thought. Not even to mention the criticism you will face for your choices – and thats from your “friends”!

Yep you know the ones…the people who proclaimed that you were their friend yet only made an effort when there was some gain for them or when there were no other options – and that includes those who are meant to be tied to you with stronger thread.

Yes I know how soul destroying it has been and I know how much you have wanted it to just all end. How do I know this? Because I am you!!! The “you” that you will become. And I have to say one thing that is most important….IT WILL ALL WORK OUT!!! Not only will it all work out, but you are in for the most amazing adventure! A life of love not hate, of forgiveness not resentment, of health not sickness, of joy not sadness, of self-respect not self-sabotage, you are in for the life you have always dreamed of.

But give yourself a break – it is these hardships that will make and create this life of awesome. How ever could you understand joy without first feeling sad, to have success you must first fail, to respect health you first experience illness – it is these things that build character, and build a heart of compassion.

You will say goodbye to toxic situations and people in order to embrace and cherish your future “special” people and opportunities of great worth. So hold on, go with it and take heart that – IT WILL BE MORE THAN OK…IT WILL BE AWESOME!!!.

From your future awesome self with much love and respect x

From the “new” me – it IS AWESOME!!!

SONG TO MY OLD SELF

PERFECT – PINK!

Made a wrong turn once or twice
Dug my way out, blood and fire
Bad decisions, thats alright
Welcome to my silly life

Mistreated, this place misunderstood
Miss knowing its all good
It didn’t slow me down.
Miss taken, always second guessing
Underestimated, look I’m still around

Pretty pretty please, dont you ever ever feel
Like your less then fuckin perfect
Pretty pretty please, if you ever ever feel
Like you’re nothing, your fuckin perfect to me

Your’s so mean, when you talk
About yourself, you were wrong
Change the voices in your head
Make them like you instead

So complicated, look how we are making
Filled with so much hatred
Such a tired game
Its enough I dont know how I could think of
Chase down all my demons
Ive seen you do the same
(ohh ohhhhhhh)

Pretty pretty please, dont you ever ever feel
Like your less then fuckin perfect
Pretty pretty please, if you ever ever feel
Like your nothing, your fuckin perfect to me

The whole worlds scared, so I swallow the fear
The only think I should be drinking is an ice cold beer
So cool in line, and we try try try, but we try too hard
Its a waste of my time.
Done looking for the critics, cos there everywhere
They dont like my jeans, they dont get my hair
Strange our selves and we do it all the time
Why do we do that, why do I do that
(why do I do that)

Pretty pretty please, dont you ever ever feel
Like your less then fuckin perfect
Pretty pretty please, if you ever ever feel
Like your nothing, then your fuckin perfect to me
(your perfect your perfect)
Pretty pretty please, if you ever ever feel
Like you nothing, your fuckin perfect to me

Dont you just wish that you could reassure your younger self that everyday gets better and that one day you will look back and say – wow…I am glad I experienced that because it made me who I am today!

What would you tell your old self…or better yet think to where you want to be in the future and what would that future person say to you now?

Everybody Be AWESOME!

TAM 🙂

SUNNY & THE FEAR MONSTER

Hello fellow AWESOMERS!!!

 

Well I hope your all having days as fabulous as I have been having – although I am pretty lucky and blessed to live in such a beautiful place in the world.

Mooloolaba Beach on a beautiful, crisp August morning!

I think my thoughts have been predominantly thinking about the thought of fear – bahahaha sorry to all those with Logophobia – if you are scared of words, or anything else for that matter you might best turn back now!!!

FEAR: An emotion that holds a certain intensity of energy…invoked by people, situations, events etc…protective response…holding a different meaning and impact on everyday life dependant/determined by the individual. (Thanks e-How)

I really love that part “intensity of energy” – and although e-How is far from being an academic source of information I really love that part because it negates the need for neither negative or positive spin on fear – IT IS WHAT IT IS period…it is just fear!!!

Dont worry I have my fair share of fears – bugs, random dogs, spiders…you know, the norm of fears and phobias.

I have also had fears of other things too:

Fear of running (because what if I have a heart attack!!!) – running weekly and 10km coming up in few weeks – FEAR CONQUERED!!!

Fear of confrontation (because what if they dont like me???) – stood up to some toxic people and situations in my life because who the hell cares if they like me! – FEAR CONQUERED!!!

Fear of trying new things (because what if….well, what if???) – tried SUP’ing epically bad at it, tried getting on a surf board even phenominally funny – FEAR CONQUERED!!!

So this past weekend Mr Omni-Awesome, Miss Macca Moo and I decide on a leisurely afternoon walk to check out where the start of the summit climb at Mt Tibrogargan is.  No big deal right? Nope…easy as! So off we go and leisurely enjoy the short base walk to the side path that leads up to the summit…been past before but never thought to look up.  Still ok – after all I have done other mountains (with my daring children) and no fear!!!

Then I look ahead – ok so lots of rocks, steep inclines, loose rubble (that could cause a twisted ankle and prevent my 10km in two weeks), yep still ok!

WOW….holy dooly that is steep!!! Yep we climb and climb….and climb and climb…and then………………………………………………………………………………………………….right! How on earth am I gonna climb up that?!?!? Ahead is the bit I wasnt prepared for (well for starters I had my nice new running shoes on) and neither was Miss Dangermouse Miss Moo – the most daring of adventurers.  But because we were already there we werent just gonna give in – although my “mumma” senses were pinging all over the place.

So up we climb to the furtherest part that was safe for our untethered Miss Dangermouse and we did the “responsible parent thing” and decided she would not venture up the almost flat cliff face without chest harnessing attached to her current harness.  So Mumma bear goes first – all the while repeating in my head – “you got this, no way you gonna let this little thing beat you – hell no!” then it was “s@*t, how the hell am I gonna get down from here – hope the helicopter can reach me!” But on I went a few more steps just to prove that fear wont rule my life (despite how stupid that sounds looking back on it I know). Then I got to the point where it was either keep climbing and get rescued by helicopter at the top, freeze here and look like a tool (yes hubz would defo have taken pics and posted to facebook – or worse still videoed it and you tubed it!), or I could suck up enough courage to admit my limitation (for this trip only mind you – I intend on going back until I reach the top) and climb back down without taking the quick shortcut down.  Yes I can reassure you that I am not typing this from the top of the mountain and I did in fact reach the bottom safely lol hahaha.

So I make it down safe…then my husband (who is alot older than me) whips up to the top of this scary bit in a shot – darn it!!! Yeah…game on lol. He tells me that the views are remarkable and that I really would enjoy being up there!!! Okay okay…next goal in line – next time I will bring ropes just in case – just so we can save the SES from having to rescue me lol!!!

Did I fail? NO WAY!!! I faced my fear, and showed myself that even at the point of extreme fear I can push a little further! Am I an irresponsible parent for allowing my child to tag along? NO WAY!!! Because I will have given my daughter the gift of being challenged and coming out better for it! Will I do it again? HELL YEAH!!! Because what is life if we are trapped by our fears so much that we miss the incredible views and experiences – I wont ever bubble wrap my children (or myself) anymore because life happens at the other side of fear!

“VENI, VIDI, VICI – ALMOST”

So…what is fear holding you back from?

You block your dream when you allow your fear to grow bigger than your faith.
– Mary Manin Morrissey

There are very few monsters who warrant the fear we have of them.
– Andre Gide

Fear is a darkroom where negatives develop.

So, first of all, let me assert my firm belief that the only thing we have to fear is fear itself —nameless, unreasoning, unjustified terror which paralyzes needed efforts to convert retreat into advance.Franklin D. Roosevelt – First Inaugural Address

Share your biggest fear…

Everybody Be AWESOME!!!

TAM 🙂